We all have a past. We all have secrets. We all have done things that we probably are not really proud of.
Have you shared any of these things with your mate? Like most people, you probably haven’t. Or, if you have, it is probably just very superficially. Over the past several months I have had the privilege of being part of a men’s group that meets every o…ther Saturday morning. It is a time to learn and to share some very private aspects of our lives with other men in a safe and caring environment. One member of the group recently explained that after 22 years of marriage, he was finally revealing some of his hidden past to his wife. This was not done to confess past sins but to give his wife a better understanding of who he is and some of the things he has done that have shaped him to be the man he is today.
When your mate is willing to open up and share with you, you need to make sure that you provide a safe environment for them to do so. They need to know that you are not going to use information they provide to your benefit by holding it over them as leverage to get what you want. They have to know that you will keep anything they tell you in strictest confidence. Being open and transparent with your mate can be (and usually is) very difficult. No one wants to be vulnerable and susceptible to criticism…especially men.
Being open and honest with your mate may not feel natural or comfortable at first because of past wounds and the walls we have built to protect our feelings. When you do open up and reveal your past, your dreams, and your desires to your mate, you start to and continue to develop a much deeper connection. Your relationship becomes far less superficial and allows for a much better understanding of each other. You learn how you can work together to make a better life for yourself and for each other.