Are you living by double standards?
Many of us have double standards. We expect lenience and forgiveness from our friends and loved ones yet we are not so lenient and forgiving in return. Why? I believe that we set expectations for our relationships that are sometimes very hard to live up to. So hard, in fact, that we don’t apply the same expectations to ourselves.
Here is an example of what I mean. I was talking with a friend recently about her expectations for her mate. She grew up in a very verbally abusive home. Consequently, she does not want to be in a relationship where there is any name calling of any sort. The first offense is a deal breaker for her. (By the way, this is one of her unwritten rules of relationships and that is a subject for another blog.) Yet, to hear her talk, she questions why her boyfriend would be willing to “throw their relationship away” so quickly after more than one offence. This is the double standard.
How many other double standards do you live by? Do you expect your mate to do all the house cleaning and then you don’t lift a finger to help? Do you expect a back or neck rub and are not willing to give one in return? These are just a couple of simple examples. I’m sure you can come up with many more. Share yours with me so others can learn.
Living with double standards can create hurdles in your relationship. If the double standards are severe enough, they can cause your mate to build emotional walls that may be insurmountable. They can be relationship ending. Consider your double standards. Are they there for a reason? Can they be changed?
Can you live up to the standards you set for other people?