Make dating an adventure!
All to many times I hear that people don’t like to date, it’s too much work. They just want someone to show up or appear in their lives. The reality is that even if you believe that God has someone special in mind for you, you still have to do your part. You have to get up off the couch, get dressed, get out and get seen. People have to know you are available and looking!
Here are several guidelines I share with my clients.
1. Date regularly! The more you do it, the better you will get at it. It’s like building muscles, it takes effort and repetition.
2. Make each date an adventure. If you think the date will be a dud, it will be. If you think it will be fun, it will be. Set you mind to learning something new about your date and something new about yourself. Even if it’s learning something that you don’t like to do, you’ve still learned something new.
3. Make first dates simple. Have a preplanned first date outfit. This will take the worry out of what to wear. Men, this applies to you too! You need to make a decent impression so dress appropriately. Meet for coffee or drinks rather than an expensive dinner. Or, go for a walk or a picnic by a lake or river. Make sure the location is quiet enough to have a decent conversation without having to raise your voice over the ambient noise.
4. Let the first conversations just flow. Don’t make them an interrogation. Ask open ended questions and let you date answer. Focus on their answer and not your response. This will go a long way in opening up communication to see if you have the beginnings of an intellectual connection. If you don’t know what questions to ask, start with something basic like “What was your favorite vacation and why?” Or, “What is your favorite childhood memory?” Then, just listen and let them tell you some of their favorite stories.
5. Be yourself. We are all on our best behavior for the first few dates. Don’t create false impressions or a false persona that is not you. In time, you will be found out and it will usually be a disappointment to your date.
By using these simple guidelines, you can make dating fun, if not exciting. Make dating an adventure and enjoy the journey!
If you have questions about dating, feel free to drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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About the author.
Over the past 30 years, Rick Soetebier has been a student of self and relationship improvement. He has become and astute observer of people and relationship issues. Over time and through a relationship and marriage that ended after 25 years, Rick started to develop some of the fundamental principles that are found in his book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate. You can benefit through his observations, education, research and personal experience by letting him help you make better relationship decisions.