Making the effort is the difference between success and failure of any relationship.
Are you attracted to someone? Are they attracted to you? Is there a possibility of a relationship? These are the golden questions! We all have the possibility for many relationships. Most often they don’t work out because of some missing element needed for an extraordinary relationship. Sometimes it’s the fact that there are deal breakers that get in the way. Today, let’s talk about the effort necessary to make a relationship work.
A romantic relationship is a two-way street with a give and take from both people. When only one is vested in the relationship, you are in for some major hurdles.
Illustrating the two-way give and take of a relationship can look something like a highway. Are there lanes two or four lanes that run in both directions? Or, is it six lanes in one direction and only bicycle path in the other? Do you expect your partner to put in all the effort to build, grow and nurture the relationship? Is this something that the two of you have discussed and agree to do or is it implicitly expected? This is where great communication comes in. You both need to share your ideas and expectations of what a great relationship should look like.
There needs to be balance in the relationship. One of you may provide most of the income and the other may take care of most of the household chores. In other situations, you may both provide equally financially and then also share equally in the work around the house.
Threshold of rejection.
Regardless of whether you’ve just started dating someone or have been in a relationship for many years, there comes a point in time for everyone that enough is enough. You can only ask for a date so many times and be told that he/she already has plans. You can only ask for help around the house and be rejected so many times. Some people have higher thresholds of rejection than others. However, there comes a point in time when even the most persistent person will throw their hands up in frustration and say, “I’ve had enough.”
Some people just don’t get it!
It is incredibly difficult for anyone to maintain interest in a relationship when your potential mate is too busy with work, friends and/or having fun to invest time in the relationship. Relationships cannot be built on an hour (or less) a week of together time. They take time to nurture and grow. You must communicate your relationship expectations to your mate. Either they get it, or they don’t! There comes a point where you just have to walk away from someone that doesn’t have the time for you.
One of the hardest things to do for many people is to take responsibility. To be clear, responsibility is not always a 50/50 issue. Sometimes it is a 90/10 split or somewhere in between. Regardless of the percentage, there are always two people in the relationship and two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle is the truth. Learn to accept your portion of responsibility for problems in your relationship. Make the effort to find ways to make your relationship work…if it’s worth saving. If it can’t be saved, accept your share of the responsibility, learn from your mistakes, and make a better effort next time.
As a financial planner for more than two decades, I worked closely with individuals and couples as they made critical decisions. Today, I guide my clients toward a higher goal—finding extraordinary relationships. The tools that I’ve developed to help others find their soul mates have proven so useful that I regularly get invitations to help professionals develop better relationships with colleagues and clients, too. No matter what types of relationships you want to cultivate, I can help you create clarity, improve communication, and enhance your connections.