#198 – Falling in Love with Being in Love
Hi, welcome to this week’s blog. I have no video today. Allergy season has hit me hard this year. Between allergy symptoms and lots of talking at a Meet-up event Tuesday night, my voice is about shot this week.
Have you ever fallen in love with the idea of being in love with someone? It is so seductive! We have this fantasy in our mind about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone. We can actually get obsessive about it!
This has happened to me a couple of times in my life. Most recently it was with someone that I dated 40 years ago. We reconnected a couple months ago and for a short time I had the hallucination that we could be a couple again. I imagined we had both matured over the years and things could be different this time.
That hallucination lasted about two weeks. After a couple of great conversations and getting caught up a little, that was it. The silent treatment. It stung for about a week only because of the feelings and emotions that had been reignited from 40 years ago.
The thought of being in love with her was intriguing. It had me captivated…for a moment. Then reality set in. While she is a beautiful woman, just as she was back then, we have very little in common besides a few past shared experiences and memories.
While this isn’t an everyday occurrence, it isn’t that uncommon. I’ve talked to people that have fallen in love with an online dating profile. On paper, someone appears to be perfect! Your soul mate. You like the same things, you’ve had similar experiences, you may even go to the same church!
In spite of what appears to be an overwhelming match, either you get no response when you reach out to him or her or you find there’s no connection and you can’t get past the superficial conversations.
Don’t let anomalies discourage you
Don’t let these anomalies frustrate or discourage you. They happen from time to time. Just recognize them for what they are…a learning experience. An extraordinary relationship takes much more than a few well written lines in an online profile. It takes much more than a few skewed memories of a relationship past.
Soul mate relationships are an extraordinary connection between TWO people. Even then…they still take work to nurture and maintain. Don’t try to dive into a relationship based on the false belief that comes with falling in love with the idea of being in love with someone. Don’t assume that the feelings you may have (actual or imagined) for someone are going to be reciprocated.
It takes time to get to know someone. It takes time to build trust. Put your fast track thoughts and emotions on hold until you have taken the time to get to know someone. Have adult conversations with them to see if they are on the same page as you. Then you can decide…mutually…if this is a relationship to pursue or not.
Hopefully I have given you some ideas to help you think through those times that you catch yourself falling in love with the idea of being in love with someone.
While you’re here, check out my other blogs and videos. You can also, request a copy of The 5 Biggest Dating and Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them. It’s FREE for the asking!
Please go to my Facebook page, Rick Soetebier – Relationship Coach. When you click the Like button, also make sure you click the See First button so that you see my daily tips, insights, and inspirations in your news feed.
Thank you for your time! Have a great and blessed day!