Just when you think things are going along well, something pops up and you think; “Where the hell did that come from and what were they thinking?”
In the past couple of weeks I’ve come across several instances of really poor behavior by “men” (and I use that term loosely). They all displayed behavior that has me scratching my head. I’m left wondering how anyone could think that these actions were anything but repulsive. Here are a couple of examples of what I’m talking about.
This incident took place at an event that was sponsored by a group that I’m associated with. I was moving from table to table checking in with everyone to make sure they were having a good time. When I got to Jane’s table, she was alone! We had some brief chit chat and soon she said she wasn’t having a good time.
A man invited a woman to a singles social event. We’ll call him Dick. The arrangement was that they were each responsible for their own transportation. No problem, that’s not unusual for a first date…or so Jane thought.
When she got to the event, Dick greeted her and they had a brief conversation. Rather quickly Dick proceeded to start checking his phone, texting, wandering from table to table and then spent time alone at the bar. Only once did he come back to visit with Jane who thought she was supposed to be on a date with him. Eventually, Dick just disappeared.
Jane was humiliated and left wondering what she had done and what was wrong with her. She was not prepared to be alone in a group of perfect strangers.
Well, no wonder she wasn’t having a good time! Would you if you had been in her place?
I quickly notified the hostess of the situation and we made arrangements to take Jane around to meet some of the people at other tables.
The lesson for the Jane is that she was still able to salvage a decent time out of the event by moving past the hurt and embarrassment caused by her jerk of a date.
The lesson for men is don’t invite someone to an event and then neglect or abandon them. She is your guest and treat her that way! DON’T BE A JERK!
The second incident occurred at the very same event. What are the odds? A woman walked in as a guest of one of the group’s female members. We’ll call the guest Cindy. Cindy was barely seated with her friend when John zeroed in on her and parked himself in the chair next to Cindy’s. It didn’t take him long to start asking her out and trying to get her to go dancing with him.
That’s when the fun really began. Cindy told him that she really wasn’t interested in dating anyone and especially someone she didn’t know. She said she would rather get to know someone in casual social settings first before considering dating.
As the conversation ebbed a little, she felt his leg against hers, rubbing up and down. She moved over a little closer to her friend thinking that it was just an unintended brushing of their legs. NOPE! He slid his leg over to touch hers again.
She was so caught off guard that she froze. Cindy was feeling completely overwhelmed and started to wonder what kind of event she was at. I could see in her face that she was uncomfortable and, knowing the character of the man sitting next to her I told her that if he was bothering her to let me know so I could address the situation. She said she was fine and as I stood there John quickly move on.
Cindy then explained to me what had happened and I sat down on the chair next to her so that John couldn’t come back. As we continued to talk, you could visibly see the stress leaving her face as she no longer felt she was in a bad situation.
The lesson here is for women to immediately tell the man that his touching, advances, or conversation are completely unwanted! If, as in this case, you freeze up, let someone else know that you’re uncomfortable and why…let your friends know, let a host or hostess know, let establishment management know. Just extricate yourself from the situation in any way you can.
Lesson for men. Don’t automatically assume you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread! You’re not! It is NEVER appropriate to touch a woman in such a way that makes her feel uncomfortable. If she’s not making good eye contact with you, she’s not interested. If she’s not leaning toward you or at least turned toward you when you are talking to her, she’s not interested.
It’s guys like these that give all the other great guys a bad reputation. Ladies, I’m here to tell you that not all guys are bad just like all ladies aren’t crazy, broken, and emotionally shut down. There are plenty of great men just looking for the opportunity to date a great woman. We all have to sift through a fair number of broken or dysfunctional people as we date. That’s a fact that is hard to avoid.
If you need help discerning who may be right for you and who isn’t, request a copy of The 5 Biggest Dating and Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them. This PDF will give you some good insight into common mistakes we all make and tips to avoid them in the future.
Let me know if today’s topic was helpful for you. If you have specific questions, please send them to Rick@RickSoetebier.com and I will do my best to answer them for you.
Have a great and blessed week.