#236 – How do you deal with a guy that’s self-centered and boring?
One of my favorite activities is to sit and watch people interact. I’ve been blessed to host a large Meetup group monthly for the past three years. I’m always amused at watching guys approach women. Sometimes you can see that they are having great conversations. Other times…not so much!
I don’t even have to be eves dropping and I know. How? I can just see it on your face. The guy is coming on to strong and you’re uncomfortable.
Your arms may be crossed. This is generally known as the international sign of “Don’t come any closer! I’m not interested in anything you have to say!” But, it could also be “Damn, it’s cold in here. Can someone please turn up the heat?”
You may be angled away from him. When I see this, I just have to laugh. He’Guyss totally clueless that you have no interest in anything he has to say.
You’re making eye contact with everyone but him.
You may even have a look of discomfort on your face.
Guys, nobody cares!
Nobody cares about what you do for a living, what your hobbies are, or where you went on your last vacation.
You may have some great stories to share, but nobody cares until you first show an interest in them.
It’s really that simple. If you want to attract someone, start off by finding out about them. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. Show interest in the person you’re attracted to. Ask questions!
If you really want to spend time with her…get to know her.
Learn to listen!
That means keeping your mouth shut and your ears open. Listen with the intent of learning something, not with the intent of responding.
Don’t’ try to one-up everything she says in an effort to impress her. What is one-uping? It’s the act of trying to outdo whatever the other person says. For example, if she says she had a great vacation, you try to prove you had a better vacation. It’s the old “Oh yeah? Well I did this!” routine.
It’s not only a turn-off for most women, it’s a turn-off for most of your friends too.
Guys, give her a break!
Watch for visual signs that she isn’t interested. If she’s not making eye contact or if she’s turned away from you, odds are she’s not interested. If she looks bored or uninterested in your conversation, you’re only making things worse.
If you ask her out and she says no, take it at face value. Generally she’s not playing a game with you. She’s simply not interested.
Just because she’s polite and listens to your stories doesn’t mean she wants to date you!
I’ve had great conversations and seemingly a lot in common with some women but couldn’t get a date to save my life. Maybe it was timing, maybe it was a lack of chemistry. Whatever it was, I was never going to get a date.
Sometimes you just have to be direct with him.
Ladies, guys can be pretty dense especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Most guys have a really difficult time communicating exactly what they feel.
This can be very difficult to deal with. Most people are afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings. Stop it! You can’t control what someone else is feeling. You don’t have to be mean, just be direct.
If he’s reasonably emotionally mature, he’ll understand. If he’s not, he may want to try to convince you otherwise. He may get persistent in trying to contact you, to ask you out, to do things for you, or try to buy your affection with gifts.
Stand your ground. Don’t give in if you’re truly not interested. If push comes to shove then you may need to ghost him. It’s not necessarily the first option, but one that you may need to consider.
Don’t be ashamed for wanting what you want in a relationship.
Nobody wants to hurt someone else’s feelings, but if you’re not feeling a connection or you see that he doesn’t have ALL your Must Haves, there’s no point in even thinking about a relationship with him.
It’s okay to let him know exactly what YOU want and where he falls short. You need to make it clear that it’s nothing personal and that he may be a really great guy…just not the right guy for you.
If he is anything but polite and understanding, be reassured that you just dodged a bullet. He just proved that he wasn’t the right one for you.
To learn more about what to look for in a great relationship please check out my blog #220 – The 8 Key Elements of an Extraordinary Relationship.
You can also request a copy of The 5 Biggest Dating and Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them. It’s free just by asking!
I hope today’s topic is helpful. For more information like this check out my other blogs and videos right here at RickSoetebier.com.
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