Welcome back to The Four Cornerstones of Great Relationships.
This week I want to talk about the Spiritual Cornerstone.
This is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart. The older I get, the deeper my faith in God grows. I haven’t always been this firm in my beliefs. Over time though, I’ve seen and experienced enough things that I can only attribute them to God.
I believe the spiritual cornerstone is of critical importance not only to you as an individual, but to your relationships as well. There has to be a foundation of common morals and values. A relationship struggles if the two of you aren’t on the same page spiritually.
What does that mean?
It means that you need to have the same fundamental belief in religion, God, and the afterlife. For example, soul mates will have the same or similar beliefs, whether it’s Christianity, Judaism, or whatever else you may believe spiritually.
You don’t necessarily need to be in the same place in your spiritual journey at the same time, but you should have similar beliefs and be moving in the same direction.
The Bible speaks of being equally yoked.
This means having similar views and working to grow your knowledge and wisdom in the same direction. Growth and change that moves you as a couple in different directions spiritually only separates you and doesn’t hold the relationship together.
If you don’t believe in God or are agnostic, you need to search out someone who holds similar views. I believe that not being on the same page spiritually is a critical mistake. Your spiritual connection is foundational to a strong loving relationship.
To be clear, I believe the strongest relationships have Christianity as its foundation.
Some of the greatest divisiveness in a relationship comes from a lack of common spiritual values. You’ve all heard of the couples who fell in love and one is one faith and the other has a vastly different belief structure.
The relationship is okay for a while, until one has to start compromising their beliefs in order to keep the peace in the relationship. Often what transpires is that a division or wall is created between the two of you as a couple.
The person of faith attends church (or synagogue or other holy place) alone with the other going to their church or not going at all. The differences may not seem like much at first, but they grow over time.
Extraordinary relationships exist when there is a shared excitement, success, and growth together. Relationships don’t fully develop when spiritual values differ and the result is a stagnation of the relationship.
Often there are hurts, bitterness, resentment, anger, or neglected feelings that can result as an outcome of these differences.
It’s said you should never discuss politics and religion.
When it comes to dating and relationships, religion and spirituality should be a major topic of discussion. Don’t be afraid to share your beliefs! While it may feel uncomfortable at first, it becomes easier with time.
Sadly, according to a Pew Research Center study, only 44% of adults believe that religion is important to their relationship. The respondents were more interested in good sex, politics, and common interests.
However, religiously matched couples can draw on resources that would not exist without that spiritual connection during times of conflict or stress.
If you don’t share the same beliefs, it’s better to find out up front than to invest a significant amount of time and emotional energy in someone only to find out later that you have incompatible religious beliefs.
One of the most common and saddest stories I hear is of women of faith going to church alone longing to share their faith with the one they love. They grow weary of sitting alone while their significant other or spouse stays home or goes to a different church.
And for the skeptics…
Yes, relationships can work if you’re not on the same page spiritually. But, why would you want to intentionally put up a roadblock to prevent you from having the greatest relationship possible?
Even the best of relationships will struggle from time to time. It just doesn’t make sense to have to try to overcome such a significant hurdle every day. Only you can determine how important having the Spirit of God in your relationship is to you.
The whole idea of the Four Cornerstones of Great Relationships is to have a firm foundation on which to build the rest of your relationship. By forsaking one or more of these key building blocks, you set yourself up for a very high probability of failure.
And the best way to set yourself up for a successful relationship is avoid the mistakes of the past, build a firm relationship foundation, and not settle for less than your soul mate.
If you need help recognizing what a healthy relationship should look like, check out my blog #220 – The 8 Key Element of an Extraordinary Relationship.
I hope today’s topic is helpful. Join me next week for The Physical Cornerstone.
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Thanks for stopping by. Have a great and blessed day!