Recently I did a very unscientific survey of my followers on Facebook. The overwhelming number of responses came from women.
The answer options were Yes, No, or It depends. The responses were exactly evenly split. One third Yes, one third No and one third It depends.
To be fair to those that said No, several qualified their answer to say that they wouldn’t ask him out but thought it was okay for other women to ask him out.
It seems that only one third of women are willing to ask a man out if they’re interested. Let’s dig a little deeper into this concept.
First there was the sexual revolution.
The sexual revolution of 60’s and 70’s fueled a total disregard for morals and values of the day.
It normalized sex outside of marriage. Not that there weren’t people sleeping together outside of marriage prior, but there was a significant stigma attached to it.
In fact, even in the late 70’s, the first time I had moved in with a girlfriend, I got disapproving looks and comments from adults and family friends. My, how things have changed since then.
It’s no longer frowned upon to live together even though studies throughout the years consistently show that cohabiting makes for a weaker relationship.
Then, the feminist movement of the past 50 years seems to have given men false hope.
This feminist movement seems to have had some very positive effects on society.
But, let’s take a look at some of the possible unexpected consequences of the feminization of our society. After more than 50 years of telling men that women can do everything that a man can do, here are a few of the things that I have seen change.
* Men rarely open a door or wait for the woman to be seated first anymore.
* More often than not, women are expected to pick up their share of the tab on the first date.
* Misogyny (hating women) is bad; misandry (hating men) is good.
* Confusion regarding the permissible interactions between the sexes. Men can be very leery of complimenting a woman on her looks or even a gentle touch on the arm, shoulder, or back for fear of being accused of sexual advances.
These unintended consequences seem to have diminished the respect for traditional roles between men and women, at least in the dating world.
God created men and women differently.
Men were created to take care of women, to protect and provide for them. They’re generally physically stronger for that reason. Women were created to be supportive of the man and take care of the family.
When you start redefining the gender roles you start messing with nature and what God intended.
And this leads to that quandary that most people are in today. I’m not trying to tell any of you what to do or what to believe. I’m just stating observations I’ve made and those made by others that are much smarter than me.
The point here is that society has changed whether we like it or not. Through the feminist movement, men have been waiting for women to start asking them out. After all, women are supposed to be equal, right?
The problem is…a lot of men are still waiting for ladies to ask.
Here’s the bottom line.
As much as society has changed for better or worse, guys still need to do the majority of asking for the first date. And that’s okay.
Men have to man up and act more like men and not spoiled little boys.
Women need to woman up and start accepting the fact that we aren’t living in the 50’s and 60’s anymore where traditional dating and relationship roles were more intact. If you’re not going to ask him out, you probably need to make a more overt effort to encourage him to ask.
For the ladies that are afraid of asking a guy out, welcome to what it’s like to be a man. It can be very nerve wracking to ask you out, especially if the man is a bit shy or not overly self-confident in the dating world.
For all of us, both men and women, the fear of rejection is real and can be very hard to overcome. The only way to get past it, or at least lessen its grip on you is to face it. Make the phone call, ask him or her out, walk up and say Hi and initiate a conversation, and step out of your comfort zone.
The only way you get good at something you’re not good at or uncomfortable with is to do it and make mistakes. Learn from your mistakes and try again. You never know, you might find that asking him out was the best thing you have ever done.
Regardless of who asks whom, you should always be flattered to have been asked whether you go on the date or not.
I hope you’ll use this information to help you make more informed dating and relationship decisions and to take a more proactive role in your dating life.
Join me next week for “Are you the victim of your own beliefs?”