#269 – Over 40 and dating!
This is a place that most of us never expected to be at this stage in our lives.
One of the biggest complaints I hear is that men are liars and can’t be trusted. A few weeks ago I was having a text conversation with a woman that asked where she could find an honest man.
I asked if she had anyone in her life that she trusted. She replied that she had only women in her life that she trusted, no men.
I asked her how she came to trust these women. She said “communication, respect, honesty.”
I replied “That’s exactly how you find a man or men to trust. You communicate. When you communicate well, you’ll discover who’s honest and who’s not. When you find a man that’s honest, you start to develop respect and trust.”
Her response; “and there is the problem. Finding a man who is honest. We are back to where we started. Being alone isn’t so bad!”
She refused to see that her global views and previous bad decisions were actually what’s causing her dating and relationship problems. She refused to see that she could use the same techniques to find an honest man as she did an honest woman.
Last week I shared with you some of the issues that contribute to bad attitudes toward dating and that it’s time to take a different approach.
Are you caught up in dating insanity?
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.
If you think you can date like you’re a 20 or 30 something, guess again! Life has changed you in the past 20 or 30 years. You’ve had experiences…and hopefully learned a few things along the way.
Hopefully your experiences have given you some greater insight into what you want and don’t want in a relationship. You’ve also developed habits and routines. Now that you’re widowed or divorced you’re starting to develop new habits, new routines, and new likes and dislikes.
If you’ve been on your own for more than a couple of years, you’re more than likely pretty set in some of your ways. Are you becoming inflexible to new, or at least different ways?
I know, I struggle with this very question. Am I open to letting someone into my life that will most certainly disrupt my routines and habits? The answer has to be yes…IF I ever what that special someone in my life.
Are you willing to be flexible?
Or are you so set in your ways that no one can break through the walls you’ve created to make yourself comfortable?
So many people I talk to have become so set in their ways that I question why they even try to look for a relationship. They’ve created so many obstacles that it’s nearly impossible for someone to become a part of their life.
Unless you are ready, willing, and able to adjust to having someone else in your life you’ll assuredly find it difficult to have any kind of dating and relationship success.
Are you using your personal routines and habits to stay single?
Deep down, I know some of you are terrified to let someone new into your life. You’ve become so set in your ways that you actually use it as a shield to protect yourself from the unknown.
Is the unknown really that scary? It shouldn’t be. After all, you’re looking for your last true love aren’t you? Don’t you think it might be wise to at least think about a little give and take?
After all, isn’t that what all great relationships have to have…a little give and take? Just remember, the walls that you build to protect your heart are the same walls that keep out the love you’re looking for.
Embrace dating and all the trials and tribulations as well as the joy and fun that comes with it.
Dating isn’t difficult unless you make it that way. That’s your choice. If you make dating a chore that’s exactly what it will be. If you make it fun, that’s exactly what it will be.
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes along the way. Don’t be afraid to take a break when you feel burned out. If you find yourself developing a negative attitude about the opposite sex, definitely stop dating. You’re going to ruin dating for yourself and the rest of us because of your bad attitude.
Remember, your attitude walks into the room before you do. If you walk in with the attitude that the opposite sex sucks, you’re going to kill the date before you even say hello. You attitude has that much impact on how you present yourself.
Don’t be afraid to jump back into dating again after you’ve taken a break and refreshed your attitude. Dating is no different that any other activity that you want to become good at. The more you do it, the better you’ll get at it.
If you need help with developing your Must Have and Deal Breaker lists, recognizing red flags of bad relationships, or improving your ability to talk to people, order a copy of my book, Dating Backward.
I hope you’ll use this information to help you step out of your comfort zone and to be more proactive in your dating life.
Join me next week for “Are you dating from a position power or a position of weakness?”