#278 – The ugly truth is that dating is all about the numbers.
Very rarely will you run into someone that only dates a couple of people and they happen to find their forever love. For the rest of us it’s all about the numbers!
A few weeks ago I was chatting with several people at a social event about dating. One woman in particular said she was done dating. She had had too many dates that were disappointing. While she would like to have someone special in her life, she no longer wanted to put the necessary effort into finding him.
Her idea of dating has become like so many others. “I want to date just one or two more people and find the man of my dreams.
Another woman was in a relationship for a couple of years and they both realize that the relationship wasn’t going to be a long-term fit. They were just comfortable dating each other. She didn’t want to have an adult conversation with the guy primarily because she didn’t want to start over again.
A third woman had been divorced for 5 or 6 years and she was seriously looking. She talked about wanting to set up dinners for 6 or 8 or 10 people, 3 to 5 women and 3 to 5 men.
Her idea was to have a more intimate setting where the group could get to know each other and potentially develop some good connections with people that might eventually turn into a long-term relationship.
This is thinking outside the box! However, she didn’t see this as a long-term strategy and wasn’t interested in doing this more than a time or two.
Dating is all about the numbers!
Almost everyone I talk to doesn’t like dating. They want to be able to date less than a handful of people and be done. They expect to find their soul mate and live happily ever after.
I’m here to tell you it just doesn’t work that way. In reality, over 85% of those that end up in a relationship after only dating a few people have settled. They have opted to accept and expect less from a relationship in order to not have to date anymore and to not be alone.
It’s incredibly heartbreaking to think that anyone would be willing to settle…but it’s a fact of life.
It’s time to start thinking about the new year.
It’s not so much about how 2020 will start, but how it will end for. In order for it to end the way you want, you have to start thinking about what you need to do now. That means getting out and being social. It means dating seriously.
It means possibly changing your attitude about first dates. No more looking at them with dread, but rather with interest and maybe even excitement.
You can make dating easier.
The first thing to do is to recognize that dating is a necessary part of finding your soul mate. That special someone isn’t just going to fall out of the sky and land on your couch!
Where are you looking? Are you making yourself available for people to meet you? Are you online? Are you getting out and being social? If not, this is something that is a must. You can’t be found if you’re just sitting at home watching Hallmark movies or watching the latest game on TV.
First dates can be much better if you spend a little time getting to know someone before saying yes. If you’ve met someone in person and not had much time to talk, get their phone number and spend some time talking on the phone before agreeing to the first date.
The same applies to dating online. You can’t really get to know anyone via email or texting. By spending some time on the phone you can get a much better feel for their personality, their likes and dislikes. You’ll also get a feel for the things you have in common.
It’s these conversations that can help you determine whether or not that a first date would be a good idea. If it is, great! Have that date! If not, no harm, no foul.
This isn’t going to guarantee you’ll never have a bad date. It just helps you weed out the people that aren’t a great fit for you.
Do your New Year’s resolutions include finding your forever love?
Are you willing to step up and do what it takes to find your soul mate in the new year?
If your answer is Yes, then start using some of the tips listed above. In addition, grab a copy of my book, Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate to help you get focused on your dating life.
Everything worthwhile takes effort. The more you learn and the more effort you put in, the better your results will be. Start thinking with the end in mind.
I sincerely hope you’ll think about what I’ve shared with you today and use this information to help you be more proactive and successful in your dating life.
Join me next week for “It’s complicated.”