#288 – I give up! Dating just isn’t worth it.
I give up! Dating just isn’t worth it.
That’s what I hear form men and women alike. They quit because they had a bad experience or they didn’t get the dating results they were looking for.
When you give up, you’re telling yourself that life can never get any better. Is that really the truth or is that the story you’re telling yourself?
It doesn’t make any difference what you’re trying to do, whether it’s a new sport, going into business, or dating. When you give up, your situation can never get any better.
Science says that 92% of people don’t reach their goals which is very similar to the percentage of people that have never known an extraordinary or soul mate relationship.
Here are 6 traits that successful people have and use to their advantage.
This is where a lot of people quit. You have to be willing to put in the effort necessary to be successful…at anything. When it comes to finding your soul mate, you must always be looking.
When you find someone with potential you have to do your due diligence, check out their story, check out their background, and then have a first date.
I know most of you don’t go through this much effort each time, but if you did, you might save yourself some heartache in the long run.
Learn to take the risk of being vulnerable. Don’t lock your heart up so tightly that no one can possibly love you or be loved by you.
You have to be willing to accept the fact that you might get your heart broken when you get into a new relationship. If you aren’t open to this possibility you’re too guarded.
If you’re too guarded, you put up invisible barriers that no one can get through. It’s these same invisible barriers protecting your heart that keep out the love you so desperately seek.
Be smart about the risks you take. Don’t take stupid risks. Don’t try to date someone that isn’t right for you. Don’t put up with abuse of any kind. You deserve better than that.
Don’t start co-mingling money until you’re married. Ladies, it’s not your job to support him. Men, it’s not your job to support her until you’re married.
Don’t get involved with someone that says they’re currently living outside the country. They will say they work on an oil rig or are missionaries.
They’ll romance you by saying all the right things and saying they want to spend the rest of their lives with you even before meeting you.
Don’t fall for it. These are scammers.
You have to keep going even when it’s not really fun. This is one of the hardest parts of dating.
Most people I know give up way to early. They quit dating because of a few bad dates.
Remember, you’re looking for an extraordinary mate. You shouldn’t be looking for someone that will do for now.
If you’re consistently having bad dates, it’s probably not them, it’s probably you. This is where you have to take a look at where you’re looking, what you’re doing and what you’re saying.
As I’ve said thousands of times, you’re the common denominator in all your failed relationships and bad dating experience. Not every problem will be your fault, but you’re probably a contributing factor.
When things get overwhelming…and they will, it’s time to take a break. That means step back from the dating world re-evaluate what you’re looking for, where you’re looking, and what you’re saying and doing.
After a short break, it’s time to get back at it.
If you’re anything like I used to be, whatever you want, you want it now! What ever you’re trying to do, you want to be good at it the first time you try it.
Life doesn’t work that way. Just like every successful businessperson or every successful athlete, it takes patience to develop your skills. It takes patience to cross the finish line. It takes patience to find your ideal mate.
Our society is governed by immediate gratification: people expect success to show up on their doorsteps after a few months of usually minimal effort.
The sad fact is that most people get tired of the search and end up settling for less than extraordinary. This is heartbreaking.
I think about finding my soul mate in these terms. I know that at my age I have 25 or maybe 30 years left. I’d rather spend the next 20 years looking for extraordinary and 5 to 10 years with my soul mate than to spend the next 25 years in a mediocre relationship.
You must maintain an optimistic outlook on what you want to achieve. You must know that your soul mate is out there.
In the beginning, optimism is easy. When you first get back into the dating world after your divorce or death of your spouse, optimism is high.
Then reality sets in. You discover this isn’t going to be as easy as you thought. There can be obstacles with online dating, seemingly endless first dates, and bad choices.
This is where you need to remain resolute and recognize that there will be challenges all along the way.
Heck, if dating was easy we’d all be with our soul mates by now.
You must develop a belief in your skills and know that you cannot fail. It’s easy for a self-confident person to achieve success because they believe in their ability to overcome any problems that they might face.
Self-confidence ensures you’ll continue moving forward even if you know that there’s a very hard and mentally challenging climb to come.
If you lack self-confidence it’s easy to give up because you’re discouraged by the slightest problems that you might face.
Lacking self-confidence, you’ll often fail to think rationally because the lack of faith in yourself ensures that you’ll make emotional decisions.
Finally, if you’re lacking self-confidence you’ll always give up because you shy away from obstacles simply because you don’t think you can overcome them.
If you’ve already given up, it’s time to rethink your strategy.
If you’ve given up, think about what you might be missing out on. Is your dream relationship worth the extra effort to find?
Do you really want to live your life without the person of your dreams? If you are whom I think you are that answer is no.
Giving up and giving in is never the way to successfully find your soul mate. Remember, nothing (and no one) worth having in your life is ever easy. It takes determination and a lot of effort to be successful in any aspect of life including dating, relationships, and marriage.
If you’re questioning your abilities to navigate today’s dating world, order a copy of my book, Dating Backward. It will help you gain clarity about what you’re looking for, help you be a better communicator, and avoid many potentially toxic relationships.
Hopefully there are some bits of wisdom that you all can walk away with and improve your dating and everyday life.
Join me next week for “It’s not them, it’s you!”