I’ve discovered that the longer you’re single, the harder it can be to let someone new into your life. For example, I’ve been divorced nearly 11 years. I have become fairly set in my ways.
I have certain routines, specific places that I put things, and some fairly rigid ideas of how things should be done.
When you get to this point you can be closing the door to some great relationships because you have become inflexible in your ways.
Is my way the right way and the only way of doing things?
There’s more than one way to skin a cat. That’s a lesson I’ve been taught several times in my life.
Many times we get short sighted and can’t see beyond our own imagination. This usually happens because we’ve become so used to doing things a certain way.
We were taught how to do things a certain way and that’s the only way we know how. Why change now? I’m doing just fine!
It took a French foreign exchange student to teach me that I could take the silverware basket out of the dishwasher. Until then I was making two or three trips to the silverware drawer with hands full of knives, spoons, and forks.
A clothing salesman taught me how to keep my dress shirts whiter by simply wearing a tee shirt underneath. These are very simple things that made my life easier.
Doing things differently can lead to much better relationships.
Nobody likes to have their world turn upside down. But that’s exactly what a new relationship can do if you’re too set in your ways.
Someone coming into your space, doing things differently, and upsetting your normal daily routines can be overwhelming if you let it.
Or you can be open to new ideas and new ways of doing things…and maybe even finding better ways to do them.
Are you using inflexibility as an excuse to avoid a relationship?
I’m too set in my ways. I don’t have enough room in my closet. I don’t want anybody messing with my stuff.
Does any of this sound familiar? These are some of the things I hear from people that have decided it’s too hard to start a new life with someone after a certain point.
Actually, I think the problem is more about being afraid…afraid of change. It’s so easy to get trapped in your daily routines.
Whenever there’s change in your life it’s disruptive. That’s the nature of change.
Sometimes it’s a good thing to have your world turned upside down, at least temporarily.
Letting someone into your life is a disruption.
Let’s face it, if you’ve been single for a while like I have, anyone that enters your life is going to bring changes.
They’re going to need closet space, space on the vanity, space in bed. And most of all, they’re going to need your time. All of this is an adjustment. If you’ve been married, you’ve made these adjustments in the past.
You can certainly do it again…for the right person this time.
When that right one comes along, I think you’ll find that making space in your life will be much easier than you think. There’s just a natural flow to your lives together.
This isn’t to say there won’t be some bumps along the way because there will. It’s just that the whole process becomes much easier when you’re with your soul mate.
Each of you should be willing to be accommodating and attentive to the other’s needs almost without thinking about it.
Any couple can move in together and make it work for a while. It’s the extraordinary couples that make it look easy.
Before you get to the point to letting someone into your life, make sure you are happy. Make sure that you’re at a point in life where you don’t need anyone to make you happy.
Whomever you let into your life shouldn’t be there to “complete you.” You need to be complete and happy before you get to this point. Your mate should be there to enhance your life.
If you’re not willing to try, you’ll never know the incredible joy that comes from letting your soul mate into your life.
I hope I’ve given you some food for thought to help you make healthier relationship decisions.
If you have questions or topics you’d like me to address here, please send your suggestions to Rick@RickSoetebier.com
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Have a great and blessed day!