I had an interesting experience yesterday. I made a “connection” on an online dating site. Right out of the gate she shared how bad dating is and how men are creeps.
I commented how she sounded angry about it. She said, “No, just frustrated because no man wants me if my pants aren’t down.” She proceeded to tell me that she was attractive, Christian, and intelligent.
My response was that not all men are creeps just as all women aren’t emotionally broken. Each man that wasn’t right for her was bringing her one date closer to finding her soul mate.
She then shared that she had been divorced for 28 years and no longer believed that any good men existed. To that I replied that maybe it was time for her to take a vacation from dating.
Her response was to delete our conversation. LOL
The point here is that if you’re walking around with a chip on your shoulder, not only are you going to be unhappy, but you’re also going to attract more unhappiness.
It all goes back to what you’re focusing on.
Are you focusing on what you want in a partner or are you focusing on what you don’t want?
It makes a huge difference! As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. And scientific studies have proven this to be true.
If you want to walk through life being miserable that’s your choice. The problem with that is that it also affects the people around you.
I’m not talking about just family and friends. No, it touches everyone you come in contact with.
When you have a chip on your shoulder, or are angry at the world, or fed up with the opposite sex, it shows. You might as well be wearing a sign around your neck declaring your disgust, anger, or any other negative emotion you are feeling.
With all the bad news in the world, it’s easy to jump on that “woe is me” bandwagon. Or, you can choose to be positive and upbeat. You can see your cup as half full. Better yet, why not look at it as a glass that is refillable?
Dating can be hard enough without you sabotaging your own efforts.
Dating is full of missteps and mistakes. We all make them. It’s full of hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and desires that will go unfulfilled when you harbor the wrong attitude.
The choice is yours. And believe me, it is a choice. You can look at the bad dates and laugh or you can cry and wonder “What’s wrong with me? Where are all the good ones?”
Dating is a long-term process and requires time and effort. You have to date more than a handful of people to find your soul mate.
It requires you to date more than three or four or five people before you’re able to settle down with your extraordinary mate. It’s all about the numbers.
I know I’ve been talking a lot about this lately, but that’s only because attitude issues continue to pop up.
We can all find the negative in something or someone. What about the positive? Are you able to spot positive lessons even from a bad date?
Are you able to spot positive characteristics even in someone that isn’t right for you?
Check your attitude regularly and your dating attitude even more often. You attitude will make all the difference in your ability to find your soul mate.
If you need help I have resources for you.
My book, Dating Backward, is a great resource to start with. In it you’ll learn (or relearn) the basics of dating and the fundamentals of all great relationships. You can order it directly from my website, RickSoetebier.com or from Amazon.com.
If you want a more personal touch, drop me a note at Rick@RickSoetebier.com to schedule a free introductory personal session.
I hope I’ve given you some ideas to make healthier dating and relationship decisions today. Have a great and blessed day.