#350 – When you set low expectations…
From time to time, I hear from people that don’t buy into the possibility of a soul mate or extraordinary relationship.
They believe that the best you can have is an imperfect relationship with two imperfect people that have to struggle to make it work. That sounds so depressing.
People that think this way will end up settling for a less than a great relationship. They believe that you can be too picky.
If that’s the best there is then I want to remain single the rest of my life!
Their comments do bring me back to a time when I felt much the same way though. I didn’t believe in soul mates. That was just a goonie woman fantasy.
And then it happened! I met someone that rocked my world and tore my beliefs to shreds. I met someone that could communicate with me, that gave me unconditional love, that spoke my love language, and we shared common morals and values.
God used her to open my eyes to the fact that there is so much more to a relationship than just being together and struggling to make it work every day.
He showed me how it’s possible to connect on a much deeper level with someone than I have ever experienced.
Like most of you, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. But it wasn’t until I was into my 50’s that I recognized that there could actually be something better…a whole lot better.
And that’s when I started working on my Must Have and Deal Breaker lists. I next developed the Four Cornerstones of Great Relationships. These are fundamental to all great relationships.
I recognized that extraordinary was possible. You can have everything you want in a relationship. In fact, every couple I’ve spoken to that says they’re with their soul mate says virtually the same thing. Their partner brought more to the relationship than they could have ever imagined.
Just because you haven’t experienced it yet doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist!
You’ve probably never seen a million dollars at one time. Does that mean it doesn’t exist? No. It just means that it’s very elusive and takes a while to acquire.
What you believe will set the limits of your future relationships. If you believe that two imperfect people have to fight every day to keep a relationship alive, you’re missing my point completely.
I’m not saying that there aren’t problems even in the best of relationships or marriages. It does take work to keep any relationship alive and interesting.
But it shouldn’t be a battle every day. There has to be more good than bad…a lot more good.
I used to be the skeptic.
Not anymore. For the past 15 years I have believed in soul mates and will to my dying day. I got really close recently but close isn’t good enough for me. I hope it’s not good enough for you either.
We each get to choose what possibilities we believe in and which we don’t. I’m hoping that you’ll choose extraordinary and not settle for anything less.
Here are some resources if you need help.
Drop me a note at Rick@RickSoetebier.com if you have questions. Personal or group coaching can be a great way to help you through some of the tough situations. If you’re dealing with issues or problems that are beyond my scope of service, I’ll get you pointed in the right direction to find the right help for you.
My book, Dating Backward, is a great resource too. In it you’ll learn (or relearn) the basics of dating and the fundamentals of all great relationships. You can order it directly from my website, RickSoetebier.com or from Amazon.com.
I hope I’ve given you some ideas to make healthier dating and relationship decisions today. Have a great and blessed day.
I agree with every bit of this. My first relationship / marriage was a 25 year fiasco that I should have left much sooner, save for the children, it was a quarter century out of my life. I divorced and had 10 years being single and with two meaningful relationships in that time that ended for different reasons and then I met Al… who was my soul mate. We had 20 exceptional years and he, unfortunately passed away… the best years of my life really. He has been gone 4 years and I have been dating and following your sage advice for quite some time now. Some times I am tempted to “settle” for a variety of reasons but I know and you reinforce the truth that settling will never work.
I am now foursquare back in the soul mate column with a resolve that being in the wrong relationship IS worse than being alone. These last few years have proven that to me… along with Rick’s reminders. I am okay alone and finding new ways to “live everyday” without the stress of settling for less than life can really be. Thank you Rick!!!
Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your story. It’s a great testimony to the power of waiting for the right relationship. Have a great and blessed weekend.