A few of you that are reading this are already coupled up, maybe even married. The rest of us are single and looking or single and content to remain that way.
Since my last relationship ended I’ve spent some time thinking again about what’s important to me in a relationship. Here are some of the things that should be important to you as well.
A great relationship is not one-sided.
There should be an equal investment of effort and emotions on both sides. If there isn’t, the person that invests the least has all the power in the relationship.
They have all the control because you are willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work with little or no effort on their part. Great relationships require effort from both of you.
A great relationship is going to enhance your life. It’s not going to make you happy because that has to come from within. It will allow you to share your happiness with someone you care deeply about.
A great relationship doesn’t come from a need to be with someone but the desire to be with someone special. You want them in your life just as they want you in theirs.
When you’re in a great relationship you have someone to share your day with, not just share time with but share the ups and downs of life. They are there to listen and to share their day. They are there to be supportive and to give you a kick-in-the-butt (reality check) that we all need from time to time.
A great partner or soul mate will just naturally make you want to be a better person every day. You’ll instinctively strive to be your best and do your best because you want them to be proud of you. They will do the same for you.
In a great relationship neither one of you wants to intentionally hurt the other and problems are usually quickly resolved. You pay attention to what’s important to your partner and avoid doing things that are upsetting and potentially offensive.
In a great relationship your partner adjusts to your lifestyle and you adjust to theirs. These are generally pretty easy adjustments This doesn’t mean you should compromise your morals and values for the relationship. That’s not good nor is it healthy.
In a great relationship, the two of you will be able to accomplish more together as a couple that separately as individuals. The reason, you have someone to share the workload with. You have someone to help figure out problems (two minds are better than one). You have someone to be accountable to just as they are accountable to you.
In a great relationship you will generally communicate well with each other.
Thoughts, feelings, and desires are easily shared without worry of retribution or humiliation at some later time. The personal things you share with each other are just that…personal.
There’s almost nothing worse than finding out your partner has shared something private with others.
“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven,
but dwelling on it separates close friends.”
You won’t always do it right. We all make mistakes. Make sure you have a forgiving heart when your partner says or does something wrong and hopefully your partner will do the same for you.
I’m talking about normal day-to-day mistakes, not gross violations of trust such as verbal or physical abuse, lying, or cheating. While these things eventually need to be forgiven (for your sake, not theirs), they will do great and sometimes irreparable damage to your relationship.
Continue to search for your great, extraordinary, or soul mate relationship. It’s not and easy task but well worth the effort you put in even though it may not seem like it at the time.
Resources if you need help.
Drop me a note at Rick@RickSoetebier.com if you have questions. Personal or group coaching can be a great way to help you through some of the tough situations. If you’re dealing with issues or problems that are beyond my scope of service, I’ll get you pointed in the right direction to find the right help for you.
My book, Dating Backward, is a great resource too. In it you’ll learn (or relearn) the basics of dating and the fundamentals of all great relationships. You can order it directly from my website, RickSoetebier.com or from Amazon.com.
I hope I’ve given you some ideas to make healthier dating and relationship decisions today. Have a great and blessed day.