#353 – We create most of our own dating problems.
Recently I’ve had several people reach out to tell me that they don’t believe they will ever find a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
One said no one wants to date her because she has kids. One man said he was afraid to ask because he didn’t want to be rejected.
Some women say that the man has to pursue the woman. That brings up an interesting question of “How long?”
The stories that you tell yourself will partially determine how successful you’ll be at dating. For the 50-year-old woman that has kids, her “undatable” fate is almost sealed; not because she’s actually undatable but because of her belief.
She sends out a signal (without even knowing it) that tells men she isn’t datable. Until she changes her belief system nothing will change for her.
The man that’s afraid of rejection will rarely if ever ask for a date. It’s almost like he’s stuck in a high school mindset where he’s afraid of being laughed at by the mean girls.
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.
When someone tells you “No, I won’t go out with you.” it’s not a rejection of you as a person. They are simply saying no to a date. They either don’t know you well enough, there’s no attraction, or they do know you and recognize that you don’t have the characteristics they are looking for.
It’s really simple. You have to set your personal fears aside and just ask for the date. It’s always best to suggest coffee or cocktails.
Don’t think you have to create this elaborate first date experience. While this will create a great story to tell later on, you rarely get to know anything about the person you’re with.
Besides, you put way too much pressure on yourself to make an awesome first impression. You’re more likely to be yourself over coffee or cocktails than any other type of first date.
The bottom line is just ask for the date. The more you ask, the better you get at asking. And the better you get at asking, the more likely you are to get a yes.
Ladies, it’s okay for you to ask him out. It’s not traditional, but in today’s society If you want a date, you just might have to ask.
Traditional ladies, how long should a man pursue you?
If the man is supposed to pursue you how long does it take? Is it limited to the initiating the first few conversations or should it be a few weeks, a few months, or should it be for a lifetime?
If the man is supposed to be the pursuer, how will he know you’re interested? What are your rules? Do you share them early on or are they something he has to figure out?
If he has to spend a lot of time trying to figure out what your rules are and jumping through too many hoops just to try to date you, he’ll lose interest quickly.
If you want him to pursue you, you have to set out the ground rules from the beginning. Men find if very difficult to read a woman’s mind…at least I do.
Ladies, there has to be an expression of interest on your part. If you keep it hidden or try to play games with your interest, you’ll remain single a long time.
Dating should be fun.
When dating isn’t fun we all get discouraged and want to give up. Don’t make it difficult to get to know you.