#376 – Does jealousy get the best of you in your relationships?
Have you ever watched a couple have a meltdown in public because of jealousy? It can be a really ugly scene and no one wants to get in the middle of someone else’s problems.
Jealousy and other dumb stuff we do can kill a relationship quickly.
So often when I think of jealousy in a relationship, I think of a guy that is controlling, overbearing, and insecure. He gets upset when his woman talks to another man, has male friends, or is not spending all her time with him.
Or, it’s the woman that loses her mind when her man even says Hello to another woman. She verbally berates and embarrasses him in public. Things only get worse when alcohol is involved.
These are such ugly pictures of humanity and ones that I see way too often. Insecurity plays a huge role in jealousy and in general is such an ugly characteristic in men AND women. This is generally a sign of emotional immaturity.
On the flip side, jealousy can alert you to things that your partner is doing that are potentially harmful to your relationship. Things like overtly flirting or posting comments on social media designed to attract attention can cause great strife in a relationship.
It could be that one partner is seemingly spending extra time with a coworker of the opposite sex working late on a big project.
There are any number of scenarios that I could share, but the point is that one partner is changing their routine in some way that may cause warning signs to pop up.
All of these scenarios are warning signs that your relationship could be in trouble.
Recently I started recognizing a different type of jealousy.
This can come from a partner reaching out for attention either knowingly or unknowingly causing the other partner to question the strength of the relationship.
Some people have little or no filter and share almost everything on social media. To me, this is cringe worthy because I grew up in a family where you just didn’t talk about personal issues outside the home.
Dating, being in a relationship with, or being married to someone that is so openly expressive can create the appearance of your partner not being happy at home.
This is where great communication needs to happen. You need to share your concerns and hopefully your partner will understand and dial things back a bit.
If they don’t, you either have to accept their level of openness or make other choices. You might unfollow your partner on social media. Or, you might seek counseling to help resolve the issue amicably.
You could be hanging on too tight.
This comes from being in a relationship where you adore someone so much and you’re so afraid of losing them that your jealousy gets out of control.
This again, generally stems for your personal insecurity. Maybe your feelings are based on past experience with others. If this is the case, you need to remember that your current partner is not your Ex.
You’ll also have to learn that if you hang on too tight to anyone, you will ultimately drive them away because they aren’t free to be themselves. They feel smothered, trapped, or caged. The harder you hang on, the harder they’ll try to pull away.
Learn to let go. Let them be who they are. If you can do this, you’ll usually discover that your relationship will get stronger because you’re showing that you trust them.
If you’re the jealous person, it will eat you alive and destroy virtually any relationship you have.
Jealousy is a negative emotion that is very toxic not only to your partner, but to you as well.
It doesn’t make any difference how your jealousy manifests itself. It needs to be dealt with in a healthy way.
Whether it’s a lack of emotional maturity or a lack of being able to trust people, you should seek help. There’s nothing wrong with working on healing old wounds. It’s a great way to make yourself a better person.
It may be prudent to seek professional Christian counseling or therapy to help you work through whatever issues you have that cause your jealousy.
I hope I’ve given you some food for thought to help you make healthier relationship decisions for yourself.
Please feel free share your thoughts, your successes, and your missteps to help others get better one step at a time. Leave a comment below or drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
For more information on being mentally and emotionally prepared for dating, order a copy of my book Dating Backward. It’s also available on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle format.
Until next week, have a great and blessed day.