I’ve been a student of self and relationship improvement for nearly 40 years. With all the books I had read and tapes and CDs I’d listened to, I was unable to salvage the 25-year relationship with my Ex. What was it that we couldn’t fix? We both tried…at times one would try harder than the other. In the end, nothing worked.
We became a statistic. We made several mistakes along the way that only heightened our probability of failure including having sex and living together before marriage.
After three years of thinking through what went wrong after my divorce, what I could have done differently, and why nothing we tried worked, I realized I had just married the wrong person.
According to the US Census Bureau, 41% of first marriages fail, 60% of second marriages fail, and 73% of third marriages fail. The statistics only get worse from there. But why? You’d think that we would get smarter and make better decisions after the first time.
There are three primary reasons why you’re likely to make a poor choice the second or third time around.
1. You start dating too soon after being divorced or widowed and haven’t taken time to grieve and recover from the loss of your marriage. This usually manifests itself in the form of hurt and anger that you carry with you daily. Without dealing with the emotional triggers that cause your negative emotions, you condemn your future relationships to failure.
2. You know more about what you don’t want in your next relationship than what you want. Science has shown us that you get what you focus on and this can be linked directly to the reticular activating system in your brain. When you focus on the negative traits you don’t want that’s exactly what you’ll find. Then you start to ask why are there no good men or women available?
3. Your relationship role models were flawed. Most of us grew up in somewhat, if not totally dysfunctional homes. Consequently, you never learned what a truly healthy relationship should look like. Without taking time for yourself, figuring out what you do want in a relationship, and having a healthy role model, you’re likely to settle for less than an extraordinary relationship.
It’s time to stop settling. Contrary to what others might tell you, you can have it all and you’re not being too picky. Set yourself up for dating and relationship success with Dating Made Simple Academy.