I want to take you back to your wedding day. This was a day you planned and looked forward to for months, or maybe years. It was a day of joy, excitement, and you had a future filled with hope and love. This was a milestone day in your life. When you got married you pledged to love, honor, and cherish each other until “death do you part.”
Fast forward 20, 30, or maybe even 40 years. Never in your wildest dreams did you anticipate that you’d be single and back in the world of dating. I’ve been there because I’ve walked this same path.
Whether you’re divorced or widowed, all your dreams of building a lifetime of memories, family traditions, and having a partner by your side for life have disappeared in a moment.
As you’ve starting to date again you’ve been hit with the reality that dating has changed…a lot. Odds are the last time you dated seriously there were no online dating sites, smart phones, or texting. Even some of the rules of dating have changed.
Either because of stories you’ve heard or personal experiences, your attempt at online dating has been futile. Bars are less that desirable places to meet and your choices of other places to meet someone feel pretty bleak. There’s just appears to be a lack of quality people to date.
Every day people tell me “All the good ones are taken” “There are no good ones left” “There’s nothing but scammers, liars, broken or unresponsive women or high maintenance women” “All men are looking for is a nurse, a purse, or sex” “All women are looking for is a retirement account or are unwilling/unable to commit.”
The people that tell me these things are usually making one or more of these mistakes when they date.
- They start dating long before they’re mentally and emotionally ready. They carry anger, hurt, depression, resentment, loneliness, fear, emptiness, sadness, etc. from date to date and relationship to relationship.
- They know more about what they don’t want in their next relationship than what they do want.
- They jump into bed with a new partner long before they know them well enough to be in a committed relationship (or married).
- They stay in mediocre to toxic relationships way too long because they just don’t know when to leave.
- They settle for less than an extraordinary partner because they don’t believe they can have everything they want in a relationship. This is an underlying major cause of divorce. Who wants to settle?
- They’ve never known what an extraordinary relationship should look like. Most of us grew up in dysfunctional families and that is what we’ve come to believe as normal.
This is where problems start to compound. Most people fail to learn from their past mistakes because they’re unaware of many of these mistakes or don’t know how to fix them.
US Census Bureau statistics show that 63% of second marriages fail and 71% of third marriages fail. The numbers only get worse from there.
It doesn’t have to be this way! It takes a little shift in attitude, some focus on what’s important in your next relationship, and understanding the fundaments of extraordinary or soul mate relationships to prevent you from becoming another divorce statistic.
If you think you’d like some help moving forward successfully in your dating life, schedule a free exploratory interview. We’ll discuss your current dating experiences, how I work, and whether or not we might be a good fit to work together.