Personal Coaching
I want to take you back to your wedding day. This was a day you planned and looked forward to for months, or maybe years. It was a day of joy, excitement, and you had a future filled with hope and love. This was a milestone day in your life. When you got married you pledged to love, honor, and cherish each other until “death do you part.”
Fast forward 20, 30, or maybe even 40 years. Never in your wildest dreams did you anticipate that you’d be single and back in the world of dating. I’ve been there because I’ve walked this same path.
Whether you’re divorced or widowed, all your dreams of building a lifetime of memories, family traditions, and having a partner by your side for life have disappeared in a moment.
As you’ve starting to date again you’ve been hit with the reality that dating has changed…a lot. Odds are the last time you dated seriously there were no online dating sites, smart phones, or texting. Even some of the rules of dating have changed.
Either because of stories you’ve heard or personal experiences, your attempt at online dating has been futile. Bars are less that desirable places to meet and your choices of other places to meet someone feel pretty bleak. There’s just appears to be a lack of quality people to date.
Every day people tell me “All the good ones are taken” “There are no good ones left” “There’s nothing but scammers, liars, broken or unresponsive women or high maintenance women” “All men are looking for is a nurse, a purse, or sex” “All women are looking for is a retirement account or are unwilling/unable to commit.”
The people that tell me these things are usually making one or more of these mistakes when they date.
- They start dating long before they’re mentally and emotionally ready. They carry anger, hurt, depression, resentment, loneliness, fear, emptiness, sadness, etc. from date to date and relationship to relationship.
- They know more about what they don’t want in their next relationship than what they do want.
- They jump into bed with a new partner long before they know them well enough to be in a committed relationship (or married).
- They stay in mediocre to toxic relationships way too long because they just don’t know when to leave.
- They settle for less than an extraordinary partner because they don’t believe they can have everything they want in a relationship. This is an underlying major cause of divorce. Who wants to settle?
- They’ve never known what an extraordinary relationship should look like. Most of us grew up in dysfunctional families and that is what we’ve come to believe as normal.
This is where problems start to compound. Most people fail to learn from their past mistakes because they’re unaware of many of these mistakes or don’t know how to fix them.
US Census Bureau statistics show that 63% of second marriages fail and 71% of third marriages fail. The numbers only get worse from there.
It doesn’t have to be this way! It takes a little shift in attitude, some focus on what’s important in your next relationship, and understanding the fundaments of extraordinary or soul mate relationships to prevent you from becoming another divorce statistic.
If you think you’d like some help moving forward successfully in your dating life, schedule a free exploratory interview. We’ll discuss your current dating experiences, how I work, and whether or not we might be a good fit to work together.
WHY COACHING?
Create Clarity
I’ve found that most people start dating before they are crystal clear about what they really want in a relationship. People who are divorced or recently out of a long-term relationship can usually paint a clear picture for me of what they don’t want. But when it comes to what their ideal mate’s characteristics are, words seem to fail them. Finding the extraordinary relationship that is right for you is no different than any other goal. You need to be certain of what your objective is, not just what it isn’t. Do you know what you’re looking for in the ideal relationship? What are your non-negotiable “Must Haves” and “Deal Breakers”? Once you find yourself in a new relationship, you may think that those feelings of being completely smitten that you’re feeling are proof that you’ve reached the goal of being in the relationship that you’ve always hoped for. But those feelings are part of the infatuation stage of a relationship. Studies have shown that infatuation can last up to two years. It isn’t until the infatuation and raging hormones subside that you can finally start seeing see what your family and friends could see more objectively earlier on. That’s when you can be more objective about your relationship. Why not learn to be more objective in your choices before you find yourself in a long-term relationship that’s headed nowhere? Coaching will help you learn to step back from the infatuation and raging hormones to evaluate realistically whether this is a great relationship for you.
Improve Communication
One of the top reasons that marriages and long-term relationships fail is a lack of clear and effective communication. When was the last time you felt “heard” by your mate? How many times have you tried to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, only to have the conversation flair up into a full-blown argument? Can the two of you have important conversations? Are you able to talk about money, children, household chores, politics, religion, and sex—just to name a few issues that couples navigate together every day—or are these topics taboo? Learning how to discuss important relationship topics and share your deepest thoughts and feelings with the one you love is something that is relatively easy to learn. It does take practice and a partner who is willing to participate and be open.
Enhance Connections
Several important factors make a relationship extraordinary. Having an Intellectual, Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical connection with your mate is the foundation of such a relationship. You’ll also need to determine whether you have similar or complimentary communication styles or whether your styles are at odds with each other. Sharing common morals and values is critical for a strong, healthy relationship! Without common values, you will quickly find yourself at odds with each other over even the simplest of issues.
Avoid Toxic Relationships
Recognizing the red flags of toxic relationships is a critical skill to acquire, both for people on the dating scene and for people in relationships. It’s important to learn the key characteristics of emotionally unhealthy people, such as a sustained negative attitude, self-centeredness, the inability to let go of the past, a lack of personal responsibility, poor money management, a lack of personal boundaries, and low self-esteem. Infatuation can blind you to many, if not all, of these characteristics. Gaining awareness, recognizing that you deserve better, and learning to be strong enough to walk away quickly from a potentially toxic relationship will keep you from wasting months or years of your life. It will also help you to remain emotionally available when the right one comes along.