#110 - What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?
This is a question that is often asked in business and motivational meetings. But, it also applies to the realm of dating and relationships. Recently I watched the movie; The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. I didn’t expect much because I’m not a Ben Stiller fan. However, I was pleasantly surprised and truly enjoyed the movie. For those that haven’t seen it, it is a relationship movie and starts out with Walter Mitty wanting to meet and date a woman in his office. He finds her on-line dating profile and discovers that she is looking for the type of man that he fantasizes about being. For the first half of the movie he fantasizes about how to impress her. The second half of the movie is devoted to Walter becoming the man he dreams of becoming.
I think this movie brings to light many of the problems that so many of us have. We don’t have the courage to be the man or woman we would like to be and we don’t have the courage to meet or date the people we would like to date. It is so easy to get wrapped up in our negative self-talk of “I’m not good, smart, pretty, rich, etc. enough.” We convince ourselves that we can’t possibly have everything we want in a relationship. We tell ourselves we are being unrealistic and are not deserving.
Getting past our fears is often extremely difficult. But time and again, people that have done it have accomplished magnificent things. It took me 52 years to finally stand up to my father and claim my adulthood! The realization that my desires, choices, wants and needs mattered was a defining moment for me. The problem is, we have such vivid imaginations that 95 times out of 100, we envision rejection, humiliation and all the other emotional baggage that goes along with getting turned down for a date, not getting a job or even lack of acknowledgment from a parent or loved one. When we can finally come to the realization that the rejection, humiliation and whatever else we fear comes from within and is in our control, we can overcome great obstacles and accomplish wonderful things.
With our vivid imagination of all the things that can go wrong also comes the imagination of what it would be like to date the person we fantasize about. Don’t let your imagination keep you from meeting and getting to know someone because you think they would never want to get to know you. You will be surprised when you finally do get to meet them. Odds are, they are nothing like what you imagined. As with all of our fantasy thoughts, they usually have little to do with reality. It’s not until you can actually get to know someone on a personal level that you can find out if you are a great match.
You only fail if you don’t try. Otherwise, each time something doesn’t work out the way you would like, it is another lesson in what doesn’t work. In dating, it is another lesson in finding someone that was not right for you. This will continue until one day, you do meet that special someone. You never would have met her without asking for a date, an e-mail address or a phone number. The key is to believe you have the courage to try, then,step out of your comfort zone and ask her/him
for a date.
What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
If you have questions about dating, feel free to drop me a line at [email protected].