#125 - What you think you know about dating is probably wrong!
He’s separated and getting a divorce.
Great! But, he’s still married! He (or She) is not available legally or emotionally, You’re dating a married man (or woman). Is that what you really want…someone that is still legally and emotionally tied to someone else? Do ya think it might be a good idea to wait until the divorce papers are signed? I can almost guarantee you that if your relationship survives his divorce, it will not be a lasting or healthy long-term relationship.
If you haven’t been divorced for at least a year, you’re not ready for another relationship!
You need time to heal your badly damaged emotions. I don’t care how amicable your divorce was, you still need time to heal and grow. You need time to find yourself. The longer you were in a relationship, the more “damage” has been done to your personality. Relationships (especially poor relationships) change people. You morph into someone that you may not even recognize because of the pressures or demands of a spouse. For example, it took me more than two years to recover my sense of humor after my divorce. My ex found my sense of humor offensive, and consequently I changed to keep peace in my marriage.
You don’t realize how deep and comprehensive the changes you make to yourself in a relationship because they are so subtle and have been made over a long period of time. Many times we are lost in a relationship because we are no longer capable of thinking for ourselves. We depend on someone else to tell us what we need to do.
What’s the difference between love and infatuation?
Strictly speaking, the definition of infatuation is foolish passion. The definition of love is warm affection; fond attachment; the passion between the sexes. With infatuation, you will generally ignore negative character traits of your partner that you would not normally accept, yet you try to pursue a relationship. Love allows you to recognize the negative character traits and accept the person for who they are. You make a conscious decision to stay or leave based on what’s best for you.
I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for, but I know what I don’t want!
Great! And you will continue to date what you don’t want! By focusing on what you don’t want, that’s exactly what you continue to find. Studies show that whatever you focus on is what you get. So, let’s stop the cycle of poor relationships. Rather than focusing on what you don’t want, focus on what you do want. This is very easy to do. You simply need to make a list of Must Haves. These are the non-negotiable characteristics of the person you want in your life. If you think of something that “would be nice to have” it doesn’t belong on this list; it’s not a Must Have. Your Must Have list must be stated in the positive. Again, you will attract what you focus on.
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