#270 - There are some harsh realities to dating. Here are a couple
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to see the realities of a flawed relationship until it’s too late. Today, I’ll share some harsh realities of dating.
There are some harsh realities of dating.
I see so many people making huge dating and relationship mistakes every day. Part of the reason is that we all get blinded by infatuation and raging hormones that keep us from seeing the realities of the relationship.
Most of you will spend months, if not years in the wrong relationship, first because you ignore the red flags and then because you’ve gotten comfortable with mediocre and don’t want to start over.
Other times it will be because you’re afraid to leave; maybe because you don’t think you’ll find anyone better or worse yet, you’ve been convinced that no one else will want you.
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It’s time to wake up!
Stop desperately trying to hang on to a mediocre or toxic relationship when deep down you know you need to leave.
Over the past few years, I’ve talked to so many of you that are in this situation. You find a special person that you really like and almost everything is great…except they have one of your deal breakers.
You talk to them about it, they say they’ll change, yet nothing happens. Or even worse, they make a temporary change to give you hope and then they revert back to old habits.
You think you can wait them out. You talk to them, they see your point, they share their opinion, and nothing. You’re stuck. You’ve invested so much time and emotional energy into this relationship.
You dread the idea of having to start over and start dating again. It almost seems easier to stay and be disappointed than it is to be alone and start over from scratch.
Guys, stop ignoring the problem!
Your lady is trying to make your relationship work. No matter how hard you try to ignore her, she’s not going away…at least not yet. Relationships are a two-way street and it takes both of you to make it work.
If you’re not willing to change or compromise on some issues you need to be crystal clear with her. Don’t lead her on and give her false hope that you’re willing to compromise or put effort into the relationship when you really have no intention of doing anything.
It’s time for you to let her go and move on.
Ladies, a lot of guys aren’t going to put in the effort necessary to make a relationship work especially if you’re allowing them to enjoy your companionship with no accountability.
If he can ignore the problem he will. Your ability to hold him accountable is the key. If the relationship is profoundly important to him, he’ll make an effort. But, he must know that you’re willing to walk away and never come back.
Beware; if you get him to change against his will, you’re asking for trouble. The changes may be fine for a while, but over time, there’s a fairly good possibility that anger and resentment over these changes are going to build. This makes it even harder to sustain the relationship.
If he willingly lets you go, you know it was a one-sided relationship and that all your efforts were in vain.
Most women want to give the relationship every last ounce of effort to make it work.
Sadly, most times you’re going to be disappointed with the results. Rarely have I ever seen your efforts pay off. I saw this with my ex-wife. I saw so much potential for her to accomplish her dreams, but she wasn’t willing to put in the effort. There was always an excuse.
Why? Because she was comfortable where she was. You can’t change someone. Change has to come from within.
I know you see great potential in him and your relationship. You know if you can just get him to do the things he needs to do you can have the love of your life. The flaw with that thinking is that it’s the love of your life, not his.
He doesn’t want to change. He doesn’t see anything wrong with his life just the way it is. That’s okay for him, but not for you.
Here’s another harsh reality.
As long as you’re in the wrong relationship, you’re not available for the right one when they come along.
Stop wasting time in the wrong relationship. We’re all given just a finite time in this life. It’s tragic to see so many people giving up on true happiness. You deserve more. You deserve to be in an extraordinary relationship and with your soul mate.
Today I hope I’ve given you a little motivation to make some healthy decisions for yourself. Make this a personal challenge to take one small step at a time to keep your dating life moving forward.
Please share your successes and your missteps to help others see that you can get better one step at a time. Leave a comment below or drop me an email at [email protected].