#276 - Online dating apps are tools, not a magic wand!
Online dating isn’t for me! Online dating is scary. Have you looked at the profiles online? There’s no one there I’d want to date.
These are just some of the comments I here from people. Are they based in fact or are they based in fiction?
Today I want to share some observations about online dating and some of the issues that people run into.
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Online dating apps are tools, not magic wands!
Recently I was having an online conversation with a couple of women from the Columbus Ohio area about dating in their community.
They were both adamant that there were no good men to date in a community of about one million people. Without going into great research, I assume that their metro area will be comparable to most other metro areas.
That means about one-third of the population is single, divorced, or widowed and over age 35. Let’s further narrow that down to just those that are age appropriate which reduces that number to about 20%.
Assuming that the male to female ratio is reasonably even, and further assuming that only about one quarter of one percent of the single population is going to have the characteristics they’re looking for, that leaves about 500 men for each of them to date.
That’s roughly 5 dates a week for two years and never dating the same man twice!
The second argument they presented was that the men on the dating apps didn’t look anything like the men in the dating site ads.
My response was that if they wanted model quality men to date, they needed to start contacting ad agencies.
One responded that she wasn’t looking for a model, she just wanted to find a guy that combed his hair, brushed his teeth, and generally took care of himself.
Well, I think we’d all love to see that level of screening done on all the apps! Only beautiful people need apply.
Let’s get real!
Advertising is meant to sell the product and draw you in. I wish my sub sandwich looked as perfect as the one on TV or even on the menu board!
If you’re thinking that all the people on dating sites are going to look like or should look like that site’s ads, your expectations are way too high and not even realistic!
People come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, and qualities. Not everyone is going to be your soul mate.
The sooner you accept the fact that you’re looking for a needle in a haystack the better your experience is going to be.
Not everyone is going to be a great fit for you just like you’re not a great fit for everyone.
Online dating is merely a tool.
Learn to use is it correctly and know what is can and cannot do.
For many of you, online dating is like putting a shotgun in the hands of a ten-year-old. It’s highly dangerous, not to mention disappointing and ineffective.
Here are some tips to make your online profile more effective.
Invest time in creating a great reading profile. It’s all about marketing yourself. One of the worst things you can do is to rush through your profile just so you can see who’s online.
It takes time and effort. Remember, you’re looking for a life-long relationship, not a one-night stand…or at least that’s what most of you say.
Your profile is a resume for a lifetime position in someone’s life and vice-versa. Focus on making a great first impression. You only get one chance at it.
Research shows that using the following words in your profile make you much more likely to be noticed.
For women: the top 10 words to get your profile noticed by a man:
1. Ambitious
2. Perceptive
3. Sweet
4. Hard working
5. Thoughtful
6. Physically fit
7. Creative
8. Rationale
9. Spontaneous
10. Energetic
For men: the top 10 words to get your profile noticed by a woman:
1. Physically fit
2. Perceptive
3. Spontaneous
4. Outgoing
5. Optimistic
6. Intelligent
7. Passionate
8. Affectionate
9. Articulate
10. Ambitious
Use the words that best describe you. Please don’t use words that are clearly not true. For example, if you sit all day, are overweight, and haven’t exercised in the past 20 years, you’re not physically fit. Be honest.
Use current photos.
Use photos that are no more than two years old. You should have a head shot as your main profile picture. You should have at least one full body shot. There’s no sense in hiding anything because you’re eventually going to be seen.
If you’re not good at taking selfies, ask a friend to take some pictures of you.
Other pictures to include are shots of you doing the things you like to do. If you play tennis, have one in your tennis outfit. If you golf, take one of you at the golf course. If you like to fish, take one of you on the water or with your prize fish.
Ladies, I can already hear you groaning about this one. If you don’t like a guy that fishes or hunts then pass him by. Stop complaining. You’d be surprised at how many women post the same picture of them with their catch of the day!
Here are some things to avoid.
NO SUNGLASSES in your profile picture! Sunglasses hide your eyes and it’s said that the eyes are the window to your soul.
No ball caps or big floppy hats in your profile picture. Most of the time they hide your face. They’re okay for secondary pictures but not for a first impression.
Ladies, avoid the pictures of you looking down at your new grand baby or holding a pet. Your face is usually hidden. That picture is probably important to you but not a great one to use in your profile.
Finally, don’t use pictures from all the places you’ve traveled, your pets, or you and all your friends. Your online profile is all about you. These other pictures can be shared at a later time.
I hope I’ve given you some food for thought to help you make healthy relationship decisions for yourself.
Please feel free share your thoughts, your successes, and your missteps to help others get better one step at a time. Leave a comment below or drop me an email at [email protected].