#327 - The battle between your heart and mind
One of the hardest things to teach is to use your mind to make important decisions. For most of us, it’s our heart that leads the decision-making process.
Science shows that most major decisions in life are made based on emotions rather than logic. After we make an emotional decision we go back and use our brain to justify it.
If you don’t believe me, think about the last time you bought a car. Odds are you love the way it looks. You love the color combinations. You love the way the seat wraps around you. You love the way it drives. You love that new car smell.
All the way home you start justifying your purchase. You got a great deal. It gets great mileage. It has a big trunk to carry more stuff. It’s more dependable than your current car. It has airbags all they way around. It parks itself. And the list goes on.
Does this sound familiar? We do it with virtually every major decision we make. There are always major emotional reasons behind these decisions.
This is especially true for romantic relationships. Your heart leads the way and you willingly follow, sometimes almost uncontrollably.
Recognize the trap you’re falling into.
We all want to be in love. We all want someone special in our life and that’s perfectly normal.
Troubles arise when you fall in love for the wrong reasons. You see potential in someone and see the person they could be.
You tell yourself “I can fix him” or “I can save her.” There are plenty of other reasons too, like “no one has ever treated me this well” or “I love the way he makes me feel.”
In the meantime, there are traits, habits, or characteristics that you don’t like. More often than not you’ll overlook those things because of the few things that make you feel loved.
This is where you have to step back and take a realistic look at what you’re doing and who you’re with. You need to start using your brain and not your heart to judge whether this is the right relationship for you.
Does he have everything on my Must Have list? Does she present any of my Deal Breakers? These are critical questions to start asking yourself early on before you start getting too emotionally involved.
This is also a great time to pull out your Must Have and Deal Breaker lists to make sure you you’re not overlooking anything. Your heart will be sneaky and let you forget some important points if you don’t have these things written down.
Your heart will almost always lead you in the wrong direction if it’s left unchecked by your brain. It’s important to step back and look at a relationship logically before you commit emotionally.
You need to make sure you’re getting into a relationship that is healthy and emotionally fulfilling. If your partner isn’t bringing everything you want, need, and desire into the relationship, you’re settling.
That may be okay for the short term but this isn’t a short-term commitment like buying a car. You shouldn’t be looking to trade every few years.
When all of the pieces fall into place you’ll have an amazing relationship. When you commit to waiting for an extraordinary or soul mate relationship you’ll have to rely on your brain to keep you on track and out of temporary emotionally gratifying relationships.
It isn’t easy to step back from your emotional decision-making habits. When you do, you’ll find that you’re much more selective in the people you date and the relationship you enter into.
I hope I’ve given you at least one new idea to make healthier dating and relationship decisions today.
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Have a great and blessed day.