#367 - Where have all the good men gone?

Today’s blog is a little longer than normal. It seems to be a pretty hot topic among a lot of women these days. It seems to flare up every so often so I thought I would take some time to address is here.

Ladies, what is it you’re looking for in a relationship? What do you want a man to bring to the table? Are you looking for someone that can keep up to you as a strong independent woman?

As strong independent women, most of you are proud of the fact that you don’t need a man because you can do it all, right? Let me ask you, if you can do it all, why do you actually want a relationship, or a man for that matter?

After all, a relationship is only going to complicate your life by having to be accountable to someone else. It means giving up freedom to do as you please. It means sharing space with another person. It means dealing with his emotional baggage as well as your own.

When you say you’re independent, you’re saying that you’re:

• not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence.
• capable of thinking or acting for oneself.
• not connected with another or with each other; separate.

I’ve had personal experience with dating a couple of independent women. One day as I was crossing a busy parking lot with one of them, she was looking down at her phone, I put my hand on her arm to stop her from walking in front of a car.

She asked what I was doing, I explained I was being a gentleman and being protective of her as I didn’t want her to get hit by an oncoming car.

She harshly told me that she had seen it and that she had survived for 60+ years without me and could take care of herself. In that moment I lost my desire for her and to treat her like a lady and to continue to be a gentleman became a chore.

Ladies, when you take away a man’s desire to be appreciated and wanted in a relationship, he will stop putting forth the effort that originally attracted you to him. He needs to respect you and to treat you like a lady while you need to appreciate his efforts and treat him like a gentleman.

When you stop appreciating his gentlemanly gestures you emotionally gut him. He has no reason to continue the relationship. When he stops putting forth the effort, you start losing interest in him and the downward spiral begins.

He will not likely be the one to want to end the relationship. He’ll continue to make a minimum effort until you end the relationship. And statistics show that you’ll likely be the one to end it. In fact, 70% of relationships and marriages are ended by women.

When you regularly turn away from your partner when they attempt to connect with you emotionally or physically, you are telling them they are no longer desirable in your eyes. For a man, this is the perfect way to teach him to turn inward or away from you. No relationship will last when your strength and independence get in the way of connecting intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.

If you really want a great man in your life, you’ll have to stop looking outward at your lack of potential suitors to choose from and start looking inward. Start recognizing that your desire to do everything on your own may only need to be for a season in your life, not a lifetime.

God created us to be in relationship, not just with Him but also with each other. Whether you believe in God or not, we are created uniquely to be supportive of each other in a relationship. Studies show that as a couple, you can accomplish so much more together than you can individually.

The relationship that men are looking for is one that is peaceful, not confrontational. When you challenge a man over his usefulness in your life and his ability to keep up with your excess testosterone levels he’ll walk away from you every time.

He doesn’t need the grief that comes along with a woman that wants or needs to be in control of everything. A healthy relationship is about a partnership. It’s not about you holding yourself higher in esteem than you do your man.

It’s about a shared commitment to each other. It’s about lifting each other up. It’s about being there for and being supportive of your partner when he’s down or struggling. All good men are looking for someone that will be supportive in the good times and bad and not have to worry if you’re going to walk away from him when things get tough. And there will be tough times in every relationship!

So, if you want to continue to complain that there are no good men, take a look in the mirror tonight before you go to bed. Are you making it so tough for a good man to live up to some unreal standards you’ve created in your head (and ones that can change from situation to situation)? If so, plan on remaining single for the rest of your life.

If that’s not you, congratulations! Your goal of finding a good man just became much easier. You just have to think outside the box. If you want to learn HOW to think outside the box or even where your limits are that you don’t even see, click the link below to email me and schedule a free 30-minute consultation to see if personal coaching might be right for you.

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