#370 - Are you tired of living with your own fearful negative thoughts?

More and more I’m seeing people that are antagonistic toward dating and relationships. It’s almost to the point that many of you are just itching for an argument or a fight because you insist on hanging on to all that’s hurt you in the past.

It feels like a badge of honor to be upset with how someone, or even how life has disappointed you.

Nothing in life will go how we planned or dreamed it would be. At least it hasn’t for me. Never in a million years did I ever expect to have written a book about dating and relationships, much less becoming a dating coach.

I never dreamed that when I got married that I would end up divorced like my parents especially because my focus was to make my marriage work. I guess the silver lining in my case was that my marriage lasted about twice as long as my parents’ marriage.

God has a funny way of making a mockery of our well laid plans. I guess that’s why in the last 15 years or so, I’ve started to take all the hurdles, roadblocks, hurts, and struggles with a grain of salt.

There’s only so much that I can control in this life and that boils down to my attitude about dating, about relationships, about God, about social media…about life.

Since I lost my father seven years ago, I became part of the senior generation in my family. I only have one aunt and one uncle left. Otherwise, it is now my cousins and I that are left to carry on family traditions and those are getting to be few and far between.

But I digress. With all the daily frustration and negativity sent my way, am I going to continue to promote healthy dating and help you find your soul mate? You bet! That’s what I feel I’ve been called to do. I’m here to help anybody that wants to move beyond their bad choices from their past and start seeking healthy relationships.

Make no mistake, you’ve made bad choices in the past just as I have. We all have to take responsibility for our part in any failed relationship in our past. The one thing no one needs to do is to hang on to those decisions as a reminder and a lifelong prison sentence.

You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. These are experiences that have shaped us to be the people we are today. If you don’t like who you are today, then change. If you don’t want to be stuck in the past, then let it go. You’re in charge of your life.

You can be as happy or unhappy as you choose to be. Maybe God is calling you to be single but He’s not calling you to be miserable. Maybe He’s only calling you to be single until you can get control of your emotions so you don’t mess up another relationship.

You can’t be a healthy prospective romantic partner when you’re out there trying to date with a chip on your shoulder. You don’t have to prove that you deserve better. You don’t have to make life miserable for anyone that’s trying to get to know you.

Don’t let a negative attitude chase away all your good potential dating prospects. And trust me, a lot of you have some really crappy attitudes. All I have to do is look at your social media posts and that becomes quite evident.

And it’s the negative dating and relationship posts that go a long way to keeping you single. Who wants to deal with all that negativity?

Your words betray your heart. If the words you use are dark and foreboding, that’s a pretty good indication that a relationship with you will be pretty much the same thing.

Don’t make it someone else’s responsibility to change your heart. That’s your job. If you’d like to be in a relationship one day, act like it! Don’t complain about how tough dating is. Don’t complain about how there are no good people to date. Don’t expect your soul mate to magically and organically show up on your doorstep with little or no effort on your part.

Dating and relationships require effort. There’s nothing magical about that. However, there is something miraculous about spending the rest of your life with your soul mate. Yet most people will never experience this magnetic attraction because of a simple lack of effort, misplaced expectations, and a negative mindset.

Dating takes some skill, some thought, a lot of patience, and a little bit of luck. Over the past 10 years I’ve helped hundreds of Mid-life Singles move from toxic bonds to healthy loving relationships.

If you’re a Mid-life Single (someone over 40, divorced or widowed, were married for 20-40 years and don’t want to give up on your desire to be in a loving healthy relationship) and would like to avoid repeating mistakes of the past, email me at [email protected] to schedule a 30 minute consultation to see if you’re someone I can help too.