#376 - Cutting ties

Cutting ties with someone you care about or love is one of the most difficult relationship decisions you’ll have to make. It doesn’t make any difference if it’s a romantic relationship, a family member, or a friend. Sometimes you just have to end communication.

We’d all like to think we’re adults and are strong enough to be “just friends.” The fact is that in most cases that’s just not possible. You see, when a relationship ends there is a wound that needs to heal. However, even with infrequent conversations, you keep that wound open and festering.

In order to move forward you have to make choices about who is in your life and who isn’t. There are some people that are just toxic to you for any number of reasons. And as long as you stay emotionally connected you prolong the healing process.

Your first responsibility is to yourself and your own mental and emotional health. You can’t be a good partner or lover if you’re not emotionally healthy and emotionally available.

If you’re actively seeking a new, healthy, long-term relationship, there are some personal boundaries you need to set with past lovers…and yourself. In addition to allowing yourself to recover emotionally cutting ties with someone starts to allow you to move past a lot of the hurt and anger that accompanies the end of a relationship.

Cutting ties is all about becoming a good relationship prospect again. As long as you continue to hang on to the past, whether it’s because you find it hard to let go of your love for someone or more important, letting go of the anger and hurt.

I see so many people get caught up in hanging on to how they’ve been hurt in the past that it prevents them from moving forward no matter how much they think they want to. I see them post about what they’d love in their next relationship and it turns out that it’s mostly about what the other person can bring to the relationship.

The reality is that it takes effort from both of you. It’s not solely up to the man to initiate contact and do all the pursuing, plan exceptionally romantic dates, and make all the effort to get to know you.

As a dating coach, when I read social media posts that say “this is what she’s REALLY looking for,” I see red flags. It tells me she’s still deeply hurt and is likely hanging on to past relationship emotions. It tells me she’s not ready for a real and healthy relationship. And worst of all, it tells me she’s gotten lazy and expects the guy to do all the hard work in developing a relationship.

Guys, on the other hand, are really looking for an equal partner. They’re looking for someone that’s willing to make an effort to get to know him just as he is learning about her. When he puts in the effort he wants to be acknowledged for it…not every time but at least once in a while. He wants to know that his efforts are appreciated even if they fall short from time to time.

As you can see, cutting ties to past relationships is extremely important to being able to move forward in a healthy way. Cutting ties means unfriending an Ex or even blocking them on social media. Blocking is not so much to keep them from seeing you but to protect you from the weak moments when you want to see what they’re doing. When you do that you just reopen wounds you should be working at healing.

Block them on your phone and email. This helps prevent you from opening emails and texts or answering phone calls you don’t need to take. These calls may seem harmless but they keep you emotionally attached to your Ex and potentially opens the door to reconnecting. This leads to what I call a revolving door relationship.

Revolving door relationships only prolong the inevitable necessary end to the relationship. If you’ve ever experienced a relationship where you break up, get back together and break up again you know how hard it is to actually move on to meet someone that is healthy for you.

The reason you break up the first time is usually the reason you break up the second time, third time, and the twelfth time. Cut your ties to the past. You don’t live there and nothing good comes from returning time and again.

If you’re struggling to cut ties, I get it because I’ve been there. It can be really hard to do alone. In the past ten years I’ve helped hundreds of Mid-life singles develop skills to cut ties and move beyond their past so they can finding their soul mate.

If this sounds like you, click this link to schedule a 30-minute Discovery Call and see if personal coaching might be right for you.  https://calendly.com/rick-56/30-min-discovery-call