#377 - Being Authentic!
One of the most fun aspects of my coaching career is getting to hear how people found the love of their lives. And then I get to share this with you. So many people get frustrated with dating today that they give up looking because of their poor results and experiences. Today I want to share some positive news.
I got a call from a Facebook acquaintance this week. We’ll call her Janice. She wanted me to share one particular observation of hers that made her successful in finding the loving relationship she was looking for. In our conversation she hit on what I consider several critical good decisions or best practices in her search.
Her key take-away was to be authentic when you’re dating. Just be who you are. You can only keep up a façade for so long before you get found out, so why not just be up-front with the person you’re dating right from the get-go.
When you initially hide certain character traits or omit certain details of your life, you’re not being honest with the person you’re dating. Eventually everything will come out and then you look like you’re trying to trick someone into liking or loving you. When your partner starts to see the real you they’ll likely start thinking “what else have they hidden from me”. That’s not a great way to start a relationship!
Being authentic, being true to who you really are, is an amazing way to take so much pressure off of yourself while dating. It allows your partner to really get to know you…the real you, not some made up persona that you think they would like you to be.
When you’re the authentic version of yourself, you’re free to focus on really getting to know the person you’re dating. Getting to know someone more deeply becomes easier because your focus can be on them and not on the self-conscious act of trying to maintain a false front.
One of MY key take-aways from this conversation is that she took three years to work on herself after her divorce. She spent time getting counseling to work on issues that would be destructive to any new relationship. She also made sure she was emotionally prepared for bringing someone new into her life.
She also took time to discover if her personal limitations might be by exploring new activities. After all, she had been told she wasn’t capable of doing a number of things she was actually interested in. Just like peeling back the layers of an onion, she spent time rediscovering who she was and what was and wasn’t important to her.
She also made her Green List (Must Haves) and Red List (Deal Breakers) and she was faithful to them. They kept her focused on what she really wanted in her next relationship. They helped her make relationship choices based on logic rather than emotions which she had done so many times in the past.
All of these things lead her to finding a great guy that she’s been married to for a year and a half now. And, they’ve made a commitment to each other to keep their marriage vibrant and alive by creating a safe environment to be able to address any problems that might arise.
For those of you that have your doubts about dating, there are still a lot of great men and women out there to be found. And to do that, you need to work on yourself first and become the person you’d love to date.
You don’t have to spend the rest of your days single and alone. Be like Janice. Give yourself time and most of all, grace to make mistakes and learn from them.
Ultimately, you don’t need to be someone else to attract a partner. Being authentic naturally attracts the kind of person you really want to be with. Be true to yourself. Authenticity fosters genuine connections and ensures that you attract someone who appreciates you for who you really are.
Leaning into a healthy dating life can present challenges from time to time. But…you’ll never find the love of your life if you only dabble at dating or worse yet, quit on yourself and the love you desire.
Remember, I’m here for you and rooting for your success. I have several resources to help make your dating life a better experience. If you think a little help might be in order, let’s talk. Schedule your Coaching Discovery Call to see if any of my resources might be right for you.
Happy Dating!