#378 - Why Is The Dating Coach Still Single?
Why is the dating coach still single?
That’s a question I get frequently as I date and as I coach. And after 14 years of being single, I think it’s a pretty legitimate question.
I’m not going to go into great detail about my dating life but I will share some personal reflections about what I’ve observed about myself and dating in general.
For the first seven years after my divorce, I dated pretty frequently. In the early days there was quite a bit of socializing and bar hopping. After all, the community I was living in at the time was known for having a party atmosphere.
That part of my early singleness was a good release of pent-up energy to explore the world around me and start figuring out who I was and what I really wanted.
As time went on, I ended up in the Kansas City area and considered that home for many years. The dating life in KC was pretty decent…and still is.
A little over seven years ago my dad passed away and I started traveling regularly between KC and Ironwood, MI. Initially that wasn’t a big deal but over time I started living in Michigan part of the year and Missouri the other part of the year.
That’s when dating started getting a little less interesting and in reality a little bit tougher. It’s pretty difficult to try to generate a long-term relationship when you can only be present anywhere for part of the year.
Now, during this past 14 years, I’ve had several short-term relationships that lasted anywhere from a year to 2 years. Each of them ended for different reasons but they all had one thing in common…there was something missing in each relationship.
One of the things that I fear being single this long is becoming too comfortable alone. I hear from people all the time that they are to set in their ways to let someone into their life.
And the longer you’re single, the easier it is to stay single. After all, I’ve developed routines and habits that suit me just fine. Why on God’s green earth would I want to disrupt that?
The reality is, at least for me, that life is better when it can be shared. Yes, I can do things on my own, travel, go out to eat, cook meals for one, and even iron my own shirts. For me, it’s just not as much fun or meaningful to do even the mundane things alone.
It’s so much easier to stay single and even become a bit reclusive. As I get older, I’m less apt to want to deal with anyone or anything that is going to disrupt my peace of mind. As of late, I’m at a point of self-reflection trying to figure out what’s still important to me and what isn’t.
Things that I have held on tightly to for so many years no longer seem to have as much relevance. My dad used to warn me about becoming a slave to the things I own (or wanted to accumulate.) His point rings truer to me today than ever before.
There’s nothing wrong with having possessions and enjoying them. For me, I’m looking for a simpler life. And I pray that I never become so jaded about dating and finding my soul mate that I literally give up on myself and finding love again.
We’ve all experienced ups and downs in dating and will likely continue to do so until we each find our special someone. These experiences have made us who we are today. Recognize that how you view and handle your experiences is unique to you. If you can learn lessons from all of them, use them to your benefit in your search for your soul mate.
In the meantime, Happy Dating.