#385 - When You Settle for Less in a Relationship: The Danger of Complacency
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you're not totally happy, but you're not totally unhappy either? It's like you've settled into a space of "just okay." This scenario is surprisingly common, particularly in long-term relationships and marriages. The spark of infatuation dims, and the excitement fades, leaving you with a sense of complacency that can feel comfortable yet deeply unsatisfying. But is this what a relationship is supposed to be?
When you settle for less than everything you desire in a relationship, it can feel like you're avoiding the extremes of unhappiness. However, you’re also missing out on the joy and fulfillment that comes from a truly extraordinary connection. Complacency might keep you from feeling miserable, but it also prevents you from experiencing the deep love, respect, and partnership that are possible when both people are fully engaged and committed to the relationship.
The Shift from Infatuation to Reality
In the early stages of a relationship, everything feels magical. You're captivated by the other person, and it's easy to overlook flaws or behaviors that might not align with your values. This "honeymoon phase" is driven by infatuation, where your brain is flooded with chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, creating a sense of euphoria.
However, as time goes on, the rose-colored glasses come off, and you start to see your partner's true nature. Their habits, quirks, and even their values may become more apparent, and this is when reality sets in. You might begin to think, “This isn’t really what I was looking for,” but instead of addressing these concerns, many people choose to settle. They rationalize staying because it’s not all bad. The relationship is “good enough,” and so, they settle for mediocrity.
The Comfort of "Just Okay"
Settling for "just okay" happens because it feels easier than confronting the truth. The idea of starting over, leaving the familiarity of your current relationship, or risking conflict can be overwhelming. After all, change is scary. Societal pressures, family expectations, or the fear of being alone can reinforce the idea of staying even when deep down, you know the relationship isn't what you truly want or need.
But this comfort comes at a cost. Complacency creates stagnation, and it often leads to a slow erosion of emotional intimacy. While the relationship might function on the surface—you're living together, raising kids, sharing responsibilities—the deeper emotional and spiritual connection that truly sustains a relationship may be missing. And this can leave you feeling unfulfilled, even if you're not consciously aware of it.
The Impact on Your Soul and God's Intent
From a spiritual perspective, it’s important to consider what God intended for relationships. I don’t believe that God designed us to live a life of “just okay” when it comes to love and companionship. We were created for deep, meaningful connections that enrich our lives and help us grow as individuals.
God wants us to experience the fullness of love—love that is kind, patient, forgiving, and overflowing with joy. Complacency stands in stark contrast to this vision of love. It limits our growth, both as individuals and as partners, and it prevents us from experiencing the true depth of a God-centered relationship.
Breaking Free from Complacency
If you find yourself in a place of complacency, it’s important to take a step back and assess the situation. Ask yourself some honest questions:
Am I truly happy in this relationship?
Do I feel loved, valued, and respected by my partner?
Is there room for growth, or have we reached a standstill?
Sometimes, the answer may be that the relationship can be revived and enriched through honest communication, mutual effort, and perhaps even counseling. Other times, the realization may come that the relationship was never right from the start, and staying would mean continuing to settle for less than what you deserve.
In either case, recognizing complacency is the first step toward change. God didn’t intend for us to live a life of "just okay" in our relationships. We were designed for more—fulfilling partnerships that reflect His love and bring out the best in both individuals. Whether it’s working to improve your current relationship or making the difficult decision to move on, the goal is to pursue the kind of love that aligns with God's plan for your life.
Don't Let Complacency Hold You Back from the Love You Deserve
Settling for less than what you want in a relationship may feel comfortable, but it leads to a life of mediocrity. It's essential to remember that God’s intention for relationships is not about merely getting by, but about thriving in deep, meaningful love. If you're finding yourself in a relationship that feels "just okay," take the time to reflect, communicate, and decide whether it’s time to work toward a better connection—or to let go and seek the relationship you truly deserve. Don't let complacency rob you of the extraordinary love that God has in store for you.
Take Action Today
If you're ready to break free from unhealthy patterns and create a relationship that reflects the fullness of love God intends for you, I’m here to help. Through my personal coaching, I guide singles like you to navigate the challenges of dating and relationships with confidence and clarity.
Whether you're struggling to find a meaningful connection or you're unsure how to move forward in your current relationship, my coaching will provide you with personalized strategies to help you make better decisions and experience a relationship that aligns with your values and faith.
Schedule your Discovery Call today to see if personal coaching is right for you. Click Here. Together, we’ll work to help you build the loving, fulfilling relationship you’ve been praying for. Don’t wait—your extraordinary love story is just around the corner.
Happy Dating