#387 - Building a Meaningful Relationship in Midlife: The Role of Faith and Selflessness

Ultimately, no matter what I do, the only thing that’s going to count is what I’ve done for God.

When you reach midlife, you've likely experienced both successes and setbacks. One of the biggest lessons many learn is that true fulfillment—whether in life or in relationships—comes when you align your values with a higher purpose. For me, that higher purpose is serving God. If everything I do is solely about my own happiness, I can easily lose sight of what really matters. And this holds especially true in relationships. If your focus is only on your own happiness, you might as well write off any chance of having a serious, healthy relationship.

A couple of weekends ago, I found myself binge-watching Facebook Reels. I was mostly caught up in the devastation left in the wake of Hurricane Helene, but occasionally, other videos would pop up. One that particularly caught my attention was from a woman who presents herself as a motivational speaker—and she has quite a following!

Her message was that she was frustrated with her life until she took romantic love off her priority list. She admitted to having longings for companionship, physical touch, and emotional connection, but she chose to build her life entirely around her own desires.

At first glance, this might seem like an empowering choice. After all, self-care and personal fulfillment are important. But when you look closer, you realize she created a life that revolves solely around her. And while that might work for someone who’s not interested in any significant relationships, it poses a major problem for those who desire a fulfilling connection.

A truly healthy, long-term relationship goes deeper than personal satisfaction—it’s built on a foundation of intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and physical connections. These connections don’t just happen; they require effort, and, most importantly, they need to be grounded in something greater than ourselves. For me, that’s my faith in God. A relationship based solely on individual desires often lacks the selflessness and humility that God calls us to practice in our relationships with others. When we honor God as the center of our lives, we begin to understand that love is about giving, not just receiving.

God designed relationships to be a reflection of His love—sacrificial, patient, and kind. When a relationship is based primarily on your own desires, you leave little room for God to work through both partners. Instead, you create a space where your partner’s needs are often overlooked, which leads to imbalance and eventually, toxicity. This is how one-sided, emotionally immature relationships are born.

You cannot be truly ready for a relationship if you're unwilling to accommodate the needs of another person or make God the foundation of your relationship. It’s not just about getting what you want; it’s about creating a life together that reflects God’s love and grace. As the saying goes, “It takes two to tango.” If your goal is marriage or a committed partnership, you’ll need to learn to share the everyday responsibilities of life. Who cooks? Who cleans? Who handles the yard or takes care of the vehicles? These tasks, in a healthy relationship, should be shared—not dictated by one person’s desires or schedule.

When your life revolves around only you, asking someone else to mold their life to fit yours is not only emotionally immature, it’s spiritually misaligned. God calls us to love others as He loves us—selflessly and sacrificially. If you find yourself in a relationship where everything revolves around one person, it’s important to take a step back and ask, “Is this the kind of love that reflects God’s intention for relationships?”

It’s also worth reflecting on your own attachment style. Are you falling into patterns of co-dependency where you’re doing everything to make a relationship work just because you fear being alone? This can prevent you from seeking God’s guidance in finding a partner who truly complements you, rather than someone you’re holding on to out of fear.

Finally, remember that if your life doesn't include an active pursuit of a relationship that honors God and reflects His purpose, the odds of randomly stumbling upon an extraordinary partner are slim. Finding someone who aligns with you—intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and physically—requires more than just effort. It requires seeking God's will in your life and trusting Him to guide your relationships. By putting God at the center of your search, you’ll have a much better chance of finding the deep, fulfilling connection you long for.

That's this week's food for thought.

Happy Dating.