#392 - Rediscovering the Joy in Dating: How to Overcome Rough Patches and Find Real Purpose

Let’s face it: sometimes dating can feel like an endless, exhausting cycle that doesn’t lead anywhere meaningful. At times, it might even seem like a waste of time. And while this can be disheartening, it's also a golden opportunity to step back, take stock, and ask yourself the important question: Why?

When you find yourself feeling drained or disillusioned with dating, start by reflecting on why you feel this way. Ask yourself:

• What have my recent experiences been like?
• Are they typical of my dating life, or am I just going through a rough patch?

You might find that your frustrations stem from specific experiences, or you could be running into familiar patterns that keep repeating. Either way, this self-reflection can lead to valuable insights and help you gain a fresh perspective on dating.

In fact, if you're looking for additional guidance, I cover these very ideas in my book, Dating Backward: A Practical Guide to Dating and Finding Your Soul Mate. This guide can help you develop a practical approach to finding someone special and discovering a healthier, more fulfilling dating journey.

Understanding Your Motivation for Dating
The next essential question to ask is: Why am I dating? What are you genuinely looking for? Are you hoping to find a long-term relationship, companionship, or maybe just some fun experiences to share with someone? Clarifying your reasons can help you be more intentional about the people you choose to spend time with and the energy you bring to dating.

Maybe you're feeling this frustration because you're unclear about your goals, or perhaps your goals have shifted over time without you even realizing it. Our lives and desires evolve, and if you’re stuck in a rut, it may be because your approach to dating hasn’t kept pace with where you are now.

Identifying Common Roadblocks
When dating feels unproductive, it's often due to one of several common roadblocks. Some of these include:

• Your Choice of Partners: Sometimes, we repeatedly choose partners who don’t share our values, goals, or lifestyle. If you've dated people who aren't a good fit, it's no wonder dating feels discouraging. Pay attention to your patterns. Do you tend to go for a certain “type” that hasn’t worked out well in the past? Breaking free from this pattern can open doors to new, more positive experiences.
• Limited Options: It can feel challenging to find people you’re genuinely interested in, especially if you’re looking for a deep connection. Whether it’s due to a small social circle or a dating app fatigue, a lack of compatible people can lead to burnout. If this resonates, think about ways you can broaden your network, explore different social avenues, or try new platforms for meeting people.
• Personal Reasons: It’s also possible that you're dating for reasons that aren’t fully aligned with your authentic self. Maybe you're feeling pressured by family, friends, or society, or perhaps you’re looking for a relationship to fill a gap or avoid loneliness. If you’re dating from a place of fear or pressure, that energy can weigh you down and make dating feel like a chore.

Rediscovering the Fun in Dating
The good news? You can change how you feel about dating, even if it’s just a matter of shifting your approach or perspective. Here are a few ways to make dating feel more fulfilling and enjoyable:

1. Take a Break if Needed: Sometimes, a short break from dating is all you need to reset and refocus. Use this time to reflect on what you truly want in a relationship, to reconnect with friends, family, and yourself. When you’re ready to return, you’ll bring a refreshed, more intentional approach.
2. Reevaluate Your Goals: Think about what matters most to you. Your dating goals should feel meaningful and achievable—not something you’re settling for. Whether you’re seeking companionship, romance, or something more serious, make sure your actions and intentions align with these goals.
3. Change Your Approach: If you’ve been relying heavily on dating apps, try meeting people in person through hobbies, social events, or community activities. Sometimes, a simple shift in where or how you meet people can dramatically change your dating experience.
4. Focus on Growth, Not Outcomes: Approach dating with curiosity and a learning mindset. Instead of putting pressure on every date to lead to something specific, focus on each interaction as a chance to grow, connect, and learn more about yourself and others.

Embrace the Possibilities
Dating is rarely a linear journey; there will be ups, downs, and everything in between. When you allow yourself the space to explore, reflect, and redefine what dating means to you, the process can become more enjoyable. Rather than just looking for "the one," you'll find more fulfillment in the journey of getting to know people, exploring your needs, and growing personally.

If dating still feels frustrating, or if you’re seeking a clearer path forward, I’d love to help you work through these challenges together. Consider scheduling a FREE 30-minute Discovery Call with me. We can discuss your unique dating experiences, and I’ll help you decide if one-on-one coaching is the right next step for you. My goal is to empower you to find joy in dating, navigate through the rough patches, and eventually find the relationship you’re looking for.

And remember, if you’re looking for practical strategies to navigate today’s dating landscape, check out my book on Amazon, Dating Backward: A Practical Guide to Dating and Finding Your Soul Mate. It’s a guide designed to help you build a dating life that’s fulfilling, intentional, and aligned with your personal goals.