#50 - Okay. You find yourself single again. Now what?
Today we are going to follow up on Tuesdays post. Whether you were the one to make the decision to end the relationship, it was a mutual decision or even if it was forced on you, this is a great time to step back and reflect. This is the time to look realistically at your relationship and see what went right and what went wrong. Were there red flags that you didn’t see? Were there conversations that should have been explored further?
In many relationships there are issues on both sides. He doesn’t hold my hand in public. She doesn’t let me have my guy time. (I know, these may seem pretty simple, but you get my point.) Whatever the issues or arguments are, they were issues that neither of you could work through or you were not able to make significant enough personal changes to accommodate your mate.
Avoid the “He is making a huge mistake.” or “She is going to be sorry she left.” thinking. Odds are that both of these thoughts are wrong. We just wish they would be true in an effort to ease our own pain, especially if the decision to break up was not our own. There are going to be relationships that, no matter how hard we try, or how much we want them to succeed, they won’t. There is just something missing…
This is a great time to reconnect with friends that you may not have seen in a while. Most importantly though, take time for you. It takes time to heal from the loss of a relationship. It’s okay to think about the past but don’t dwell on it. Take a break from dating. Look ahead to the future. If there are things that you know you would like to change or learn for your next relationship, now is the time to start on those changes. Do things that make you happy.
Finally, focus on what you do have, not on what you think you have lost. Just because what you thought was a great relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean that there isn’t something even better in store for you.