#84 - 5 Key characteristics to an extraordinary relationship

As a dating coach, I get to talk to singles and couples daily to discuss what an extraordinary relationship should look like.  While each relationship is different and has it’s own unique characteristics, there are some universal traits common to every extraordinary relationship.  Here are the key characteristics that I have found to be important in each of the couples I talk to.

#1  Communication
Communication is, by far, the most important characteristic for an extraordinary relationship.  Couples that have great communication are able to talk about anything and everything.  This doesn’t mean that every conversation is going to be easy and that feelings won’t be hurt from time to time.  What it does mean is that these extraordinary couples provide each other with a safe and nurturing environment to share important thoughts and ideas without fear of ridicule or retribution.

#2  Mutual Respect
Extraordinary couples have a mutual respect for each other.  They respect their similarities and their differences.  They are each other’s biggest cheerleaders.  Because of this respect, they don’t violate the trust of their mate.  This means no secrets and nothing to hide.  They work through life together as a team.

#3  Four Cornerstones of Relationships
Soul mates (or extraordinary couples) will develop deep connections in the following areas: Intellectual, Spiritual, Emotional and Physical.  There is no one cornerstone that is more important than the others.  However, one cornerstone may become more dominant than the others for short periods of time.  Overall there will be balance between all four cornerstones.  Picture your relationship as a four legged table.  If just one of the legs (cornerstones) is missing, you will naturally have an unstable relationship.  These connections take time to fully develop, but will be evident from early on in the relationship.

#4  Love Languages in Common
In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman identifies the different love languages we all speak.  From experience, I have seen that extraordinary couples will naturally have their top one or two love languages in common.  Is it mandatory to have the same primary love language?  No, but it seems to make communication much easier and takes it to a deeper level if you do.

#5  Your “Must Haves” and “Deal Breakers”
This is one of the most important, yet most neglected aspect when searching for a new relationship.  Make a list of all of the non-negotiable characteristic you are looking for in your next relationship.  Also, make a list of the characteristics that are deal breakers.  It is important to write these lists out so you can refer back to them regularly to make sure your judgment is not clouded by infatuation.  Your extraordinary mate will have all of the characteristics that are on your Must Have list and (obviously) none of your Deal Breakers.  If even one of your Must Haves is missing, it will not be an extraordinary relationship because you are settling for someone less.  (Note: This doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with someone that doesn’t meet all of your Must Haves.  It just means they are not the right person for you.)

There are other aspects to consider when looking for a mate but, these are the most influential in a healthy relationship.  For an in depth discussion of the Four Cornerstones of Relationships and the Must Have and Deal Breaker lists, check out my book Dating Backward: A practical guide to dating and finding your soul mate.